Bondage in the Bedroom

tied up...
tied up… (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This is an installment of a series of posts on BDSM.  The first post can be found here.

The focus this week is on bondage play.  Bondage is a physical restraining.  This may mean total bondage or just a part of one’s body, such as breasts or balls…or even toes.  As the materials and degrees of severity are varied, it is important to understand the possible risks of various bondage practices.  This post is meant as a deeper overview of the subject, not a total guide.  Before participating in extreme bondage play, please research the topic more thoroughly.

Perhaps you and your partner are both new to bondage play.  As you add this bit of spice to your love life, it is helpful to do a little reading before delving into the fun.  Set aside the erotica and porno movies, as what you see there may not be safe or even based in reality.  Instead, look for credible sources.

When engaging in bondage play, there are several rules to keep in mind:

  • Have a safe word – something beyond no.  This word can be used to take a break, vary the activities, or even stop the scene.  The word should be one that is easy to say, but not something often said during sexual play.
  • Never leaving a bound person alone. Additionally, restraints should be able to be quickly removed in case of an emergency.
  • Avoid using restraints that may impair breathing.  Additionally, avoid positions that may cause asphyxiation.
  • To avoid circulation issues, be sure the bound subject changes positions at least once an hour.
  • All participants should be completely sober; alcohol and drugs should be avoided.

You may already have items around the house that make for perfect bondage paraphilia, such as belts, ropes, and sleep masks (i.e. a blindfold).  If not, there are many fantastic items available for purchase in both regular stores and specialty shops. Want a kit?  How about a simple Vanilla Bondage Kit or the Fetish Fantasy Ultimate Fantasy Duffle? Looking for a sensual and soft bounding material?  Try the Black Rose Silky Surrender (I have several of these, and they are great!). Perhaps you want something that is slightly beyond the basics.  The Lover’s Super Strap Restraint Kit may be exactly what you are looking for.

Looking for credible sources for additional information?

Next week I will continue to delve into the various aspects of BDSM.  As always, remember: Safe Play is Great Play!

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Review: AdultFriendFinder

Cost:  Limited abilities as free, membership gives you more access

Even though it is called friend finder, it is a sex site.  That said, there seems to be a lot more talk than anything based on my experience.  But I included it for a reason.  I have met more guys on this site than any of the other sites.

adultfriendfinder cutie
adultfriendfinder cutie (Photo credit: stevendamron)

One of the freebies for people is the ability to use the instant message, the group chat rooms and the community forums (I haven’t posted here).  As a result, I have chatted with any more people than on the other sites.  And while the majority of people are looking for sex, I rarely get to the stage where I meet up with them.  Many disappear when they see my picture (even though I tell them up front I am a BBW) and many times, if we do meet, there is no attraction to take things further.

If you are female and new to the site, be prepared to be overwhelmed.  There is a lack of females on the site and as a result, you are fresh meat, literally and figuratively.

In talking to a male acquaintance on the site, it is much easier to find a guy that is willing to hook up than a girl, which does not really surprise me.  But I have heard that the girls on the site can be quite aggressive as well.

No matter your gender or what you are looking for, you will be propositioned by couples and by men.  Even men that have it in their profile that they are 100% straight tend to get these messages.

Note:  I am currently a gold member as apparently my profile has had enough visitors, etc that I am a “favourite” visitor.  I have been on the site for a year.  It is a two week upgrade but it has been renewed three times as of writing.  Gold Members can see full profiles and possibly other things which I have not played with.

My recommendation?

I think it really depends on what you want to find on these sites.  If you are looking to chat, there are always people hanging out on AFF on the instant messenger.  Not everyone is there looking for sex and it is possible to have some good conversations.

I find on the actual dating sites, people disappear a lot faster.  Maybe it is because the guys are hopeful on AFF if they talk to you long enough, you will be willing to get naked with them.


I find it interesting that even though I live in a city with a population of 250,000 including surrounding areas, I have run into the same guys on multiple sites.  I think I am up to 5 now that I have seen on various sites.

3 on POF and AFF

1 on AFF and Eharmony

1 on OKCupid and AFF

Read my review of the dating websites:   Meeting People Online – Dating Sites and More


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The Basics of BDSM

This is the first in a series of posts.

For some, these four letters immediately makes them squirm in discomfort, yet many of these people may already incorporate BDSM  types of activities and not realize it. How can this be? Simply put, kink comes in all sorts of varieties, making it as varied as the people involved.

What is BDSM ? To answer this we need to examine what each letter stands for.

English: A man handcuffed to a bed and blindfolded
A man handcuffed to a bed and blindfolded (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Bondage and discipline play (B & D or B/D)

Bondage – A physical restraining, it can mean total bondage or just a part of one’s body, such as breasts or balls. The materials and degrees of severity are varied. It is important to understand the possible risks of various bondage practices.

Discipline – A psychological restraining, often by the use of punishments or rules. Spanking and humiliation are examples.

Dominance and submission (D & S or D/s)

Dominance – Most often this practice is considered a set of behaviors, or even rituals, involving the acceptance of control over another. The Dominant (Dom or Domme) controls the submissive in a variety of ways that may or may not be sexual in nature.

submission – The opposite of a Dominant, the submissive gives control to another.

As a side note, there are some, called a switch, who are comfortable in both Dom and sub roles.

Sadism and masochism/ sadomasochism (S&M or S/M)

Sadism – Simply put, this is sexual pleasure gained by inflicting pain, suffering, and/or humiliation. The term comes from Marquis de Sade, an 18th-century French writer.

Masochism – The counterpart to sadism, this is sexual pleasure derived from suffering, humiliation, and/or feeling pain.

Next week I will continue to delve into the various aspects of BDSM .  As always, remember: Safe Play is Great Play!

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