mystery spot

Prince and lady (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The Gräfenberg spot – more commonly known as the G-spot, is a pleasure zone located approximately 2-3 inches on the front wall inside a woman’s vagina. While there are some who believe it is just a myth, countless women disagree.

Depending on the positions used during sex, stimulating this area can be difficult, as the G-spot area needs direct stimulation. For example, the angle of penetration during the missionary position will rarely hit the spot (pun very much intended). Experimenting with different positions will help find the perfect way to achieve orgasm through G-spot stimulation.

Luckily, there are other ways to climax from G-spot stimulation. During foreplay, you or a lover may want to try two fingers pressed deeply into the area. Alternatively, there are many toys designed specifically for this task.

For some women, the type of orgasm experienced from G-spot stimulation is more intense than those achieved from clitoral stimulation. For others, the spot might not be as sensitive and therefore not as important part of their sexual play. Not sure which category you are in? Some self-exploration will tell you if your G-spot is highly sensitive. Lay back and enjoy the exploring! Let go of frustrations and relish the touch of your body.

Not sure how to find your G-spot?  Here’s a great article with an extensive step-by-step process.  It’s worth the read!

personal lubricant 101

There are many types of lubricant that can be used for sexual play. Many factors contribute to the need of using lubricants during sex. Some women, even though very aroused, may not produce enough natural wetness and therefore may need a little assistance from a bottle. If you are participating in any type of anal play lubricant is extremely important.

There are three main types of lubricant: water based, silicone based, and oil based. When searching for lubes, you might see some advertised as “anal lube”. These usually have a numbing agent added to lessen the pain often associated with anal intercourse.

Water based lubricants are safe to use with condoms. They are often less expensive and more easily found than other types of lubes. Unlike other lubricants, they have the added advantage of being easier to wash off the body – and less likely to stain the sheets! Water based lubes can be used with any type of toy material.

Personal lubricants (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Silicone based lubricants, unlike water based ones, are not absorbed into the skin. This means soap and water will be needed to wash off after playtime ends. They can be more expensive, but a less is needed. This type of lube is also safe to use with condoms, but avoid using with silicone toys. Want to have some playtime in the shower? Try this type of lube!

Oil based lubes, such as mineral oil, baby oil, and Vaseline, must be washed off with soap and water. You can only use oil based lubricants with polyurethane condoms. Also avoid using with toys and items made out of latex.

There are many styles of lubes available – including flavored, numbing, warming ones. Have fun experimenting with the varieties!

One note of caution: If you are trying to conceive, pay careful attention to the ingredients in the lubricant you are using. Some lubes may contain spermicides – which are very counterproductive to trying to get pregnant!

Mood Music

There are some songs that, when heard, instantly affect the listener’s loins. Granted, the songs may vary from person to person; but some artists are known for their ability to make the listeners want to get it on, such as Barry White, with his deep, sensual voice.

Perhaps the song’s subject matter is what does the trick. Maybe it is the beat. Then there are the ones that are double shots of desire to the genitals. One that does it for me, due to both the lyrics and the tempo, is Nine Inch Nails Closer. Another is the Dave Matthews

Band’s song Crash into Me.  And I would be rather remiss if I didn’t mention Marvin Gaye’s classic Let’s Get it On.

What does it for you?  Is there a song that every time you hear it you want to do the horizontal mambo with your lover? How about your partner – does she have a song that is always sure to turn her on?

Take it Outside

I’m not sure about your area, but where I live we seem to have experienced about two days of spring before heading straight into summer.  As the temperature heats up outside, the hubby and I have been spending more time in the sun.  Tis the season!

There are some activities I wouldn’t mind taking outside, but, alas, we cannot. The lack of a fence and the closeness of our neighbors’ homes mean clothes must stay on when in our yard.  There is an added layer of sensuality when having sex outdoors.  There can also be a lot of nuisances that can make the experience less than fun.  Who likes feeling a rock or a stick jabbing them in back?  Or mosquitoes snacking on them?  I sure don’t!  So, like they say in Scouts – Be Prepared!

Taking a blanket to lie on during outdoor sex – or just stargazing – is a good place to start.  Keep in mind, though, that the ground might hide some sharpish objects, and grab a thicker blanket – if not two or three.  Once you decide to get frisky, you don’t want to ruin the mood with a stick attempting to get some action of its own! 

Some light is good, but not enough to call attention to the show.  A flashlight or two will suffice as you and your lover get comfortable.  Then turn off the lights and have fun to the natural light of the moon and stars.

About those pesky pests…well, you can just imagine how delicious bug spray tastes when nibbling on your lover’s skin. Yuck! I suggest investing in another type of bug deterrent, such as  an Off! Clip-On Starter Kit. (I haven’t tried it, so don’t know how well it works).

Have you had the pleasure of sex under the stars?  What tips do you have for others who are considering it?

the dry spell

Yesterday was a very crazy day. There was a mixture of good and bad.

Our furchildren had vet appointments for check-ups and vaccinations. Since the hubby had to go out of town that morning for a possible new job, I had to take them to the vet alone. All went well with the vet. When I came home with our boy, hubby was home from his errand, so we were relaxing in our sunroom and talking about our morning.

Then our boy, who is a senior, started screaming in the other room. Long story short, we think he had a seizure. I took him back to the vet while hubby cleaned up the mess our pup made during the fit. This was a new experience for all of us.

Ninety minutes and bloodwork for the pup later, we were home again. Hubby and the pups all laid down for a nap while I got ready for work. If I didn’t have a program – and a fun one at that – I would have likely stayed home with the rest of my family.

A few hours later, though, I was home again, but this time I was fighting a migraine. Hubby had completed more errands while I was working, but we all decided to nap for a little while. His excuse – he drives nights, so is use to sleeping during the day. Mine – I had a dickens of a headache.

After sleeping for a few hours, I made an Easter dinner (the day after) at nearly 9 at night. We ate at 11! My allergies were getting bad by then, since I forgot to take medication before the vet appointments that morning, and I was still fighting a headache because the temperature was dropping. High of 80 on Monday, high of 57 on Tuesday. Lovely, eh?

When we went to bed for the night, we were both exhausted, both physically and mentally, even with all the napping. It had been that kind of day.

Side note: we aren’t certain what caused our boy’s fit. There are a lot of different things that might contribute to the possible seizure. The Bloodwork didn’t show anything that would have caused it.

Now, if you are still reading, you are likely wondering what this has to do with sex. Keep reading and I will tell you.

Relationships have a natural ebb and flow. Some days might be absolutely fantastic. Other days it might seem like you are never in sync. That is perfectly normal. So is having a period of time without sex. Yes, a healthy married relationship usually includes sex. As the relationship continues to grow, sex might not occur as frequently as before.

The hubby and I have gone through dry spells. Our circumstances play a huge part. He is only home on weekends, and I often work at least one of those days. We usually pack so much into the days that he is home that often we are just too tired to get it on. Add the worry of having a sick child – even if our children are our dogs – and sex ends up being put on the backburner. Yet, even though we aren’t having sex, the intimacy in our relationship continues to grow. We are still physical – touching, holding hands, kissing, cuddling – throughout the day. In many ways, that is more important that intercourse. It keeps us connected.

One day soon, though, we will devote some time to reconnecting sexually.  All part of the fun of being in a long term commitment!

The four-legged audience issue

I’m late.

This should have been posted yesterday.  It was one of those days, though. I came home from work, grabbed a quick bite to eat with the hubby, and we decided to take a nap.    That was around 7:30.  I didn’t get up for more than 30 minutes until it was time to get ready for work today.  Oops.

It was very crowded in our bed, as per the norm.  We have two medium-sized dogs who sleep in our bed.  It doesn’t matter if we are in bed for the night or just taking a little nap, one or both of the dogs are snuggling with us.  Of course, since they both sleep in our bed, this makes for some interesting times when it comes to sex.  Thankfully we haven’t experienced any of those horror stories.  You know – the ones about a beloved pet interfering with a sexual encounter.

Our older dog seems to understand the sentence “Mommy and Daddy need alone time.”  Often even before we utter those words, he has already started huffing and puffing his displeasure and has jumped off the bed.  Back in the day he would go down to our basement as if he was trying to get as far away from us as he could, grumbling as he made his way down the stairs.  Now he just hangs out in the living room, annoyed with our antics and impatiently waiting to come back to bed.

Our younger dog doesn’t quite understand.  Sometimes she will still try to jump up on the bed.  She just wants to cuddle and sleep.  Other times she will hide under the bed, something we are a bit wary of her doing.  Lately, she is starting to leave the room, though we have to shut the door behind her so we don’t end up with an audience.

Thankfully our two are fairly well behaved – in this regard at least!  We can have our fun without an audience and unwanted participation attempts.

Sex and Infertility

There has rarely been a time since I became sexually active that I did not want sex. It is safe to say that I have a very high sex drive. However, several years ago I found myself not wanting to do the deed, at no fault of the hubby. This was a side effect of infertility treatments.

It has been over ten years since the hubby and I decided it was time to expand our family. I had suspected for some time that this would not be an easy task. With unpredictable cycles, and having several symptoms of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), I just knew we likely had a difficult road ahead of us. This didn’t mean I gave up hope. We kept trying the old fashioned way, and had fun while doing it. Eventually the time came for us to see a specialist.

At first my sex drive didn’t suffer. Granted, the medications I was taking did a number on my mood, and caused the depression I already struggled with to deepen greatly. After months of trying to time sex just right and being poked and prodded by medical staff up to three times a week – including several procedures that were very intimate in nature – my sex drive plummeted. Not only did my desire for intimate relations with the hubby drop significantly, but also my urges to masturbate. Before infertility treatment, masturbation was often a daily occurrence – if not more frequently!  Even now, several years after we ended all of the medical treatments, my sex drive is still much less than what it was before.

Much of what affected my arousal levels was psychological. The multitude of doctor appointments, the focus on sex for procreation, and the failures of the assisted reproductive therapies all affected combined to make a mental block against sexual desire. Instead of having sex purely for enjoyment, we were having sex purely out of duty. While I enjoyed the deed, I wasn’t able to climax because I couldn’t separate sex from our desire for pregnancy. The whole ordeal didn’t affect our feelings for each other; just our feelings towards sex – especially my own.

How did I overcome this? Firstly, acknowledging that there was an issue and that it could be overcome. I talked with my husband. And I discussed it a bit with Sylvie (as she has a lot of useful knowledge about marital aids from her time as a pecker peddler). Sylvie recommended an arousal cream that helped increase my sexual pleasure. This helped to revive the enjoyment that had disappeared.

When you are going through fertility treatments, you hear the stories about how the medications can affect your hormones and, therefore, your moods. You hear about the invasiveness of procedures, the heartbreak of failed attempts and losses, and the joys of successes. What you don’t hear much about, though, is how fertility treatments can affect your relationship with your significant other. There are couples who don’t make it through fertility treatments. In our case, it made our relationship even stronger. Yet we still encountered a rough patch in our sex life – something that isn’t talked about on the message boards.

Hopefully this isn’t something you will ever have to encounter; however, if you do, please remember: You are not alone.

For your viewing pleasure

There is a misconception about pornography and women. It seems to be a commonly held belief that women in general do not like porn. Additionally, those few women who do are only fans of softcore or “romantic” porn. And we cannot forget that supposedly one cannot be a feminist and also enjoy pornography.

Um…no.

Granted, this may all be true for some women; however, it isn’t necessarily true for ALL women. Thanks to these misconceptions, a woman may feel ashamed for enjoying smut. The idea that there is something wrong with a woman who finds pleasure in viewing pornography is just as ridiculous as the notions that a woman who finds sex enjoyable is a slut. Far from the truth, my friends. Far from the truth. Instead of making enjoying sex – both viewing and engaging in – shameful, we need to embrace our sexuality.

Many feel that pornography degrades women and that women are forced to participate in such activities, and admittedly in some cases this is the truth. In many more cases, though, women are very willing participants in all aspects. There are women, such as Jenna Jameson and Tera Patrick, who have become porno superstars, and have gone from being on film to being behind the scenes as directors. They have even started their own production companies.

So set aside your shame and enjoy some hardcore porn. You might even learn a few new techniques to share with your lover! Watch it alone, or with your partner. Discover new pleasures and use it as a way to get into the mood, or as a way to share your interests. Sit back, relax, and enjoy.

 

S&M

This is the final installment of a series of posts on BDSM. The first post can be found here.

This week is about sadomasochism, often abbreviated as S&M, SM, or S/M.  Sadomasochism is sexual pleasure gained by inflicting pain, suffering, and/or humiliation (sadism) or derived from suffering, humiliation, and/or feeling pain (masochism).

As with other types of BDSM, practitioners of S&M are not all the same.  Unlike what you may have seen in movies or read in books, many do not don identity concealing masks and carry or wear chains. Just as the actions that are enjoyable to those engaged in S&M activities may vary from spanking to playing with hot wax or knives.

Image of S/M sexuality Français : Page 39. Les souples lanières se moulent sur les fesses de la femme. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

As you may have noticed in previous posts, the various aspects of BDSM are often interconnected.  This is true with S&M.  For instance, spanking as a form of discipline, done by a Dom to a sub, may be considered S&M play as well.  In many regards, S&M is more of a mental type of play than any other aspect of BDSM.  Sadists derive pleasure from the action – or even just the thoughts – of inflicting pain upon another just as masochists derive pleasure from fantasizing or having pain exacted upon them.

Please note that S&M is not the same as sexual violence.  Practitioners of S&M are consensual adults; however, if serious injuries are caused by S&M play, those inflicting the injury may be punishable by law.

Looking for credible sources for additional information?

• Whip Me, Beat Me, Make Me Write Hot Sex by Tymber Dalton (see my review here)
• A Submissive’s Initiative – an educational BDSM community
• The Loving Dom – The Repository – The back catalogue of educational notes relating to alternative relationships + interesting threads from The Loving Dom – The Help Page.

As always, remember: Safe Play is Great Play!

 

submission

This is an installment of a series of posts on BDSM. The first post can be found here.

This week is about submission.  The opposite of a Dom, a submissive, or sub, gives control over to another.  This control may or may not be sexual in nature.

As to be expected, there are a variety of Dom/sub relationships.  For example, a sub may take on a role of a pet, of a slave, of a student, or even of a child, with the Dom acting in the contrasting role.  While the sub is passive in the relationship, he or she does have some control.  Before the relationship or the scene begins, the parties involved should agree on experiences ahead of them.  For some, this might include a formal contract.

English: A woman wearing a BDSM collar and leash (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

A sub does have rights, just as any person participating in sexual play has rights.  A great post, called A submissive’s Bill of Rights can be found here.  While these are not necessarily legal rights, they are nonetheless important.  And of course, those rights include saying NO! or using a safe word if the play becomes too intense.

Looking for credible sources for additional information?

• Whip Me, Beat Me, Make Me Write Hot Sex by Tymber Dalton (see my review here)
• A Submissive’s Initiative – an educational BDSM community
• The Loving Dom – The Repository – The back catalogue of educational notes relating to alternative relationships + interesting threads from The Loving Dom – The Help Page.

Next week I will continue to delve into the various aspects of BDSM. As always, remember: Safe Play is Great Play!

 

 

 

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