mystery spot

Prince and lady (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The Gräfenberg spot – more commonly known as the G-spot, is a pleasure zone located approximately 2-3 inches on the front wall inside a woman’s vagina. While there are some who believe it is just a myth, countless women disagree.

Depending on the positions used during sex, stimulating this area can be difficult, as the G-spot area needs direct stimulation. For example, the angle of penetration during the missionary position will rarely hit the spot (pun very much intended). Experimenting with different positions will help find the perfect way to achieve orgasm through G-spot stimulation.

Luckily, there are other ways to climax from G-spot stimulation. During foreplay, you or a lover may want to try two fingers pressed deeply into the area. Alternatively, there are many toys designed specifically for this task.

For some women, the type of orgasm experienced from G-spot stimulation is more intense than those achieved from clitoral stimulation. For others, the spot might not be as sensitive and therefore not as important part of their sexual play. Not sure which category you are in? Some self-exploration will tell you if your G-spot is highly sensitive. Lay back and enjoy the exploring! Let go of frustrations and relish the touch of your body.

Not sure how to find your G-spot?  Here’s a great article with an extensive step-by-step process.  It’s worth the read!

personal lubricant 101

There are many types of lubricant that can be used for sexual play. Many factors contribute to the need of using lubricants during sex. Some women, even though very aroused, may not produce enough natural wetness and therefore may need a little assistance from a bottle. If you are participating in any type of anal play lubricant is extremely important.

There are three main types of lubricant: water based, silicone based, and oil based. When searching for lubes, you might see some advertised as “anal lube”. These usually have a numbing agent added to lessen the pain often associated with anal intercourse.

Water based lubricants are safe to use with condoms. They are often less expensive and more easily found than other types of lubes. Unlike other lubricants, they have the added advantage of being easier to wash off the body – and less likely to stain the sheets! Water based lubes can be used with any type of toy material.

Personal lubricants (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Silicone based lubricants, unlike water based ones, are not absorbed into the skin. This means soap and water will be needed to wash off after playtime ends. They can be more expensive, but a less is needed. This type of lube is also safe to use with condoms, but avoid using with silicone toys. Want to have some playtime in the shower? Try this type of lube!

Oil based lubes, such as mineral oil, baby oil, and Vaseline, must be washed off with soap and water. You can only use oil based lubricants with polyurethane condoms. Also avoid using with toys and items made out of latex.

There are many styles of lubes available – including flavored, numbing, warming ones. Have fun experimenting with the varieties!

One note of caution: If you are trying to conceive, pay careful attention to the ingredients in the lubricant you are using. Some lubes may contain spermicides – which are very counterproductive to trying to get pregnant!

S&M

This is the final installment of a series of posts on BDSM. The first post can be found here.

This week is about sadomasochism, often abbreviated as S&M, SM, or S/M.  Sadomasochism is sexual pleasure gained by inflicting pain, suffering, and/or humiliation (sadism) or derived from suffering, humiliation, and/or feeling pain (masochism).

As with other types of BDSM, practitioners of S&M are not all the same.  Unlike what you may have seen in movies or read in books, many do not don identity concealing masks and carry or wear chains. Just as the actions that are enjoyable to those engaged in S&M activities may vary from spanking to playing with hot wax or knives.

Image of S/M sexuality Français : Page 39. Les souples lanières se moulent sur les fesses de la femme. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

As you may have noticed in previous posts, the various aspects of BDSM are often interconnected.  This is true with S&M.  For instance, spanking as a form of discipline, done by a Dom to a sub, may be considered S&M play as well.  In many regards, S&M is more of a mental type of play than any other aspect of BDSM.  Sadists derive pleasure from the action – or even just the thoughts – of inflicting pain upon another just as masochists derive pleasure from fantasizing or having pain exacted upon them.

Please note that S&M is not the same as sexual violence.  Practitioners of S&M are consensual adults; however, if serious injuries are caused by S&M play, those inflicting the injury may be punishable by law.

Looking for credible sources for additional information?

• Whip Me, Beat Me, Make Me Write Hot Sex by Tymber Dalton (see my review here)
• A Submissive’s Initiative – an educational BDSM community
• The Loving Dom – The Repository – The back catalogue of educational notes relating to alternative relationships + interesting threads from The Loving Dom – The Help Page.

As always, remember: Safe Play is Great Play!

 

D is for Dominance

This is an installment of a series of posts on BDSM. The first post can be found here.

This week is about Dominance.  A set of behaviors or rituals which involve the acceptance of control over another, the Dominant controls the submissive in a variety of ways that may or may not be sexual in nature.  In essence, Dominance is a type of psychological play that may include physical actions.

What is a Dom or Domme?  Dom is most often used for male Dominants and Domme for female.  This is not always the case, however, as some may choose to use Dom for either gender.   For the purpose of this post, I will use Dom to mean any person who is a Dominant in the scene or relationship.

BDSM couple, top, bottom in handcuffs, on Europride Cologne (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Some only want to be a Dom in the bedroom, whereas others take the relationship further and into other aspects of their lives in non-sexual ways, such as domestic servitude.  There may be a contract between the consenting parties, outlining what is expected in the Dom/sub relationship.  Though they may have the majority of the power Doms must work with their subs to ensure fulfilling relationship for all involved.

When many think of BDSM, they may have a mental image of a Dom, dressed in black latex and carrying a riding crop, ready to dominate someone in exchange for money.  While there are many professionals available for hire, the truth is many Doms look “normal”.   Anyone, regardless of personality or livelihood, may be inclined to participate in a Dom/sub relationship.  Their lives outside of the relationships may be the opposite of their roles within it.

For more information on being a Dominant, check out The Dominant Guide.

Looking for credible sources for additional information?

• Whip Me, Beat Me, Make Me Write Hot Sex by Tymber Dalton (see my review here)
• A Submissive’s Initiative – an educational BDSM community
• The Loving Dom – The Repository – The back catalogue of educational notes relating to alternative relationships + interesting threads from The Loving Dom – The Help Page.

Next week I will continue to delve into the various aspects of BDSM. As always, remember: Safe Play is Great Play!

The Basics of BDSM

This is the first in a series of posts.

For some, these four letters immediately makes them squirm in discomfort, yet many of these people may already incorporate BDSM  types of activities and not realize it. How can this be? Simply put, kink comes in all sorts of varieties, making it as varied as the people involved.

What is BDSM ? To answer this we need to examine what each letter stands for.

A man handcuffed to a bed and blindfolded (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Bondage and discipline play (B & D or B/D)

Bondage – A physical restraining, it can mean total bondage or just a part of one’s body, such as breasts or balls. The materials and degrees of severity are varied. It is important to understand the possible risks of various bondage practices.

Discipline – A psychological restraining, often by the use of punishments or rules. Spanking and humiliation are examples.

Dominance and submission (D & S or D/s)

Dominance – Most often this practice is considered a set of behaviors, or even rituals, involving the acceptance of control over another. The Dominant (Dom or Domme) controls the submissive in a variety of ways that may or may not be sexual in nature.

submission – The opposite of a Dominant, the submissive gives control to another.

As a side note, there are some, called a switch, who are comfortable in both Dom and sub roles.

Sadism and masochism/ sadomasochism (S&M or S/M)

Sadism – Simply put, this is sexual pleasure gained by inflicting pain, suffering, and/or humiliation. The term comes from Marquis de Sade, an 18th-century French writer.

Masochism – The counterpart to sadism, this is sexual pleasure derived from suffering, humiliation, and/or feeling pain.

Next week I will continue to delve into the various aspects of BDSM .  As always, remember: Safe Play is Great Play!