Two Strikes and You’re Out!

I know in baseball it takes 3 strikes before you are out, but well, we aren’t talking baseball.

Finally, after 10 innings and almost 3 hours o...
Finally, after 10 innings and almost 3 hours of play, Texas booked a win over Penn State. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

For some reason, I seem to run into these guys who I meet up with once or maybe twice, and then they disappear.  A few months, or even a year later, I run into them again.  They express their interest, I am way too nice and agree to meet up again, and then the pattern continues.  After this happens the second time, I am done with them, no matter what their reason, er, excuse may be.  You would think after this happened the first time or two in general I would learn my lesson but I am way too nice of a person.

What I don’t get is the ease at which a person can keep in touch.  With the majority of people having access to a smartphone as well as email, there is no reason that a quick little message can’t be sent.  Heck, I have even discussed this with some of these people that ultimately disappear and they agree that there is no reason why a person cannot send a message.  Yet, a message does not appear.

I understand that for some, this is the route they take when they decide that there is no interest.   Instead of doing the polite thing and sending a message that they changed their mind/life is too busy/whatever the reason is, they just ignore you.  I get it, I may be guilty of doing it once or twice and I have been called out on it too.

But really, I am a big girl, if you aren’t interested, just tell me.  I’m not going to go all stalker on you and contact you every half hour to try and get you to change your mind.  I will move on, there are many other fish and maybe even men in the sea.

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Book: Guilty Pleasures by Niyah Moore

We are slowly introduced to the six main characters in this book:    Guilty Pleasures

Hassan Walker, husband to Roxi, who has been visiting the gentleman’s club called “Sugar Hill” for the past year.  He has a favorite, Cinnamon, who he comes to see every week and who he fantasies about but knows that it can go no further.

Roxi Walker, wife to Hassan, who is also Dawn’s assistant and who is having a secret affair.  But when Hassan finds out, her offers her an ultimatum:  him or her lover.

Dawn, Roxi’s boss, who is having an affair with a married business man.  It means nothing to her except for sex as she wants to be with someone else.

Cinnamon, Hassan’s favorite dancer, but one night, things go too far between her and Hassan.   What will this mean for their time at Sugar Hill and their relationship?

Victoria, Dawn’s assistance, who feels that she cannot compete with the other women she works with due to her weight.   She has always felt uncomfortable around them and when a man pays her some attention, she has a hard time believing in him.

Ivan, Hassan’s friend and basketball player, is playing the court and the ladies.  But when his eyes catch sight of Victoria, he is determined to have her.

My Opinion:

I will preface this review by saying I got to 56% of the book before I quit reading.

The reasons I quit reading are as follows:

Everyone seemed to be cheating and playing around with everyone else, regardless of marital or single status.  I was having trouble keeping track of who was doing who as they were moving around so much.

I felt like the story was not really developed.  The characters were jumping from bed to bed without a lot of story in between.

There was no type of indication of time and it would skip ahead days or weeks without a text break or any other indication that the time was changing.

The language was difficult to follow as there was a lot of slang from New Jersey/New York area that didn’t make any sense to me.

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Book: Her First Billionaire (Book 1) by Julia Kent

Laura is a twenty six year old looking for love but who is not really sure that she will be able to find what she wants.  She decides to sign up for Internet dating to see what she can find but is not very hopeful.  But then, she gets a reply from Dylan, who is a hunky firefighter, and she wonders if she is just imaging things. When she does an internet search for him, she finds out that he is really real and agrees to meet him.    But she wonders how he can afford to take her to the ritzy restaurant she is taking him to as she knows that he should not be able to afford it on a firefighter’s salary.   Her First Billionaire

Dylan is looking for a new woman in his life.  But, since Jill passed away, a lot has changed in his life and he is looking for someone who truly likes him for him instead of the money he has inherited.   As a result, he turns to Internet dating and finds Laura.  He is taken by her and asks her out.

But, is there more to this story than meets the eye?  Who was Jill and what was she to Dylan?  How will her story affect Laura and Dylan?

My opinion:

I liked the concept of this book.  The first book in the series covers the meeting between Laura and Dylan.  We also see some what happens after their date and Mike is introduced which leads into book two.

In the first book, we learn about the connection between Dylan and Mike and how they were both affected by Jill and her death.  The two of them are roommates who have both becoming billionaires due to Jill’s death but are still trying to figure out how to make that lifestyle work for them.

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who’s in charge?

When Sylvie began her recent Dom/sub relationship, she mentioned it to me.  At one point she asked if I had told hubby about it.  I hadn’t yet, but later that night I brought it up during our nightly phone call.  Since then we have had several conversations about D/s relationships and play.

We enjoy D/s play, though not every time we have sex and not as a lifestyle.  It’s just not for either of us. As I said to him, I feel that I’m too dominant in my overall personality to be a sub to someone fulltime.  While I enjoy being the sub in the bedroom from time to time, I also enjoy being the Domme.  Because I’m equally comfortable in both roles, I consider myself to be a switch.

I know there are people who, like me, have very dominant personalities, but crave the submissive role.  I respect that and can understand how it would a great form of stress relief.  Some of the characters I have developed in my stories are that way.  I just know it isn’t me.  I would be too much of a brat for the situation to be enjoyable! 

Just as every person is different, every D/s relationship is different.  There are subsets of the lifestyle, ranging from those who, like hubby and me, enjoy occasional D/s play in the bedroom to those who live their D/s relationships 24/7.  Some are sexual, while others may not have any sexual activity involved.  Thanks to the internet, some D/s relationships are completely virtual, with those involved living great distances from one another.  If you can imagine it, there is likely someone who is living it.

the dry spell

Yesterday was a very crazy day. There was a mixture of good and bad.

Our furchildren had vet appointments for check-ups and vaccinations. Since the hubby had to go out of town that morning for a possible new job, I had to take them to the vet alone. All went well with the vet. When I came home with our boy, hubby was home from his errand, so we were relaxing in our sunroom and talking about our morning.

Then our boy, who is a senior, started screaming in the other room. Long story short, we think he had a seizure. I took him back to the vet while hubby cleaned up the mess our pup made during the fit. This was a new experience for all of us.

Ninety minutes and bloodwork for the pup later, we were home again. Hubby and the pups all laid down for a nap while I got ready for work. If I didn’t have a program – and a fun one at that – I would have likely stayed home with the rest of my family.

A few hours later, though, I was home again, but this time I was fighting a migraine. Hubby had completed more errands while I was working, but we all decided to nap for a little while. His excuse – he drives nights, so is use to sleeping during the day. Mine – I had a dickens of a headache.

After sleeping for a few hours, I made an Easter dinner (the day after) at nearly 9 at night. We ate at 11! My allergies were getting bad by then, since I forgot to take medication before the vet appointments that morning, and I was still fighting a headache because the temperature was dropping. High of 80 on Monday, high of 57 on Tuesday. Lovely, eh?

When we went to bed for the night, we were both exhausted, both physically and mentally, even with all the napping. It had been that kind of day.

Side note: we aren’t certain what caused our boy’s fit. There are a lot of different things that might contribute to the possible seizure. The Bloodwork didn’t show anything that would have caused it.

Now, if you are still reading, you are likely wondering what this has to do with sex. Keep reading and I will tell you.

Relationships have a natural ebb and flow. Some days might be absolutely fantastic. Other days it might seem like you are never in sync. That is perfectly normal. So is having a period of time without sex. Yes, a healthy married relationship usually includes sex. As the relationship continues to grow, sex might not occur as frequently as before.

The hubby and I have gone through dry spells. Our circumstances play a huge part. He is only home on weekends, and I often work at least one of those days. We usually pack so much into the days that he is home that often we are just too tired to get it on. Add the worry of having a sick child – even if our children are our dogs – and sex ends up being put on the backburner. Yet, even though we aren’t having sex, the intimacy in our relationship continues to grow. We are still physical – touching, holding hands, kissing, cuddling – throughout the day. In many ways, that is more important that intercourse. It keeps us connected.

One day soon, though, we will devote some time to reconnecting sexually.  All part of the fun of being in a long term commitment!

Sex and Infertility

There has rarely been a time since I became sexually active that I did not want sex. It is safe to say that I have a very high sex drive. However, several years ago I found myself not wanting to do the deed, at no fault of the hubby. This was a side effect of infertility treatments.

It has been over ten years since the hubby and I decided it was time to expand our family. I had suspected for some time that this would not be an easy task. With unpredictable cycles, and having several symptoms of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), I just knew we likely had a difficult road ahead of us. This didn’t mean I gave up hope. We kept trying the old fashioned way, and had fun while doing it. Eventually the time came for us to see a specialist.

At first my sex drive didn’t suffer. Granted, the medications I was taking did a number on my mood, and caused the depression I already struggled with to deepen greatly. After months of trying to time sex just right and being poked and prodded by medical staff up to three times a week – including several procedures that were very intimate in nature – my sex drive plummeted. Not only did my desire for intimate relations with the hubby drop significantly, but also my urges to masturbate. Before infertility treatment, masturbation was often a daily occurrence – if not more frequently!  Even now, several years after we ended all of the medical treatments, my sex drive is still much less than what it was before.

Much of what affected my arousal levels was psychological. The multitude of doctor appointments, the focus on sex for procreation, and the failures of the assisted reproductive therapies all affected combined to make a mental block against sexual desire. Instead of having sex purely for enjoyment, we were having sex purely out of duty. While I enjoyed the deed, I wasn’t able to climax because I couldn’t separate sex from our desire for pregnancy. The whole ordeal didn’t affect our feelings for each other; just our feelings towards sex – especially my own.

How did I overcome this? Firstly, acknowledging that there was an issue and that it could be overcome. I talked with my husband. And I discussed it a bit with Sylvie (as she has a lot of useful knowledge about marital aids from her time as a pecker peddler). Sylvie recommended an arousal cream that helped increase my sexual pleasure. This helped to revive the enjoyment that had disappeared.

When you are going through fertility treatments, you hear the stories about how the medications can affect your hormones and, therefore, your moods. You hear about the invasiveness of procedures, the heartbreak of failed attempts and losses, and the joys of successes. What you don’t hear much about, though, is how fertility treatments can affect your relationship with your significant other. There are couples who don’t make it through fertility treatments. In our case, it made our relationship even stronger. Yet we still encountered a rough patch in our sex life – something that isn’t talked about on the message boards.

Hopefully this isn’t something you will ever have to encounter; however, if you do, please remember: You are not alone.

lucy 2

Book: Against the Wall by Julie Prestsater

Shelly is a teacher who has just been dumped by her boyfriend and fiancé of 10 years, Chase.   She has two best friends, Melissa and Matt.  It is no secret that Matt has a crush on   Against the Wallher but he is a coworker and she does not want to mix romance and work again, Chase is also a coworker.

Melissa encourages her to start dating again so the two of them go out on the town.    As Shelly is very particular about her beer, she decides to pick guys based on what they are drinking.  She sees a perfect drink in the perfect male hands and is surprised to discover it is her friend Matt.

While Shelly is trying to figure out how she feels about Matt by having a non-relationship with her, Melissa is dumped by her husband.  Christmas comes and Shelly’s brother Tyler comes to town and him and Melissa end up hooking up.

Opinion:

I liked the book but felt that it was quite heavy on the swearing and language.   While I get that many people do talk like that, and they may especially if they teach in high school, it could have been toned down.

I wish I could find a man like Matt.

Light on sex scenes if you are looking for a book with a lot of sex but the book does not seem appropriate for an under 18 audience.

Purchase “Against the Wall”

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Review: AdultFriendFinder

Cost:  Limited abilities as free, membership gives you more access

Even though it is called friend finder, it is a sex site.  That said, there seems to be a lot more talk than anything based on my experience.  But I included it for a reason.  I have met more guys on this site than any of the other sites.

adultfriendfinder cutie
adultfriendfinder cutie (Photo credit: stevendamron)

One of the freebies for people is the ability to use the instant message, the group chat rooms and the community forums (I haven’t posted here).  As a result, I have chatted with any more people than on the other sites.  And while the majority of people are looking for sex, I rarely get to the stage where I meet up with them.  Many disappear when they see my picture (even though I tell them up front I am a BBW) and many times, if we do meet, there is no attraction to take things further.

If you are female and new to the site, be prepared to be overwhelmed.  There is a lack of females on the site and as a result, you are fresh meat, literally and figuratively.

In talking to a male acquaintance on the site, it is much easier to find a guy that is willing to hook up than a girl, which does not really surprise me.  But I have heard that the girls on the site can be quite aggressive as well.

No matter your gender or what you are looking for, you will be propositioned by couples and by men.  Even men that have it in their profile that they are 100% straight tend to get these messages.

Note:  I am currently a gold member as apparently my profile has had enough visitors, etc that I am a “favourite” visitor.  I have been on the site for a year.  It is a two week upgrade but it has been renewed three times as of writing.  Gold Members can see full profiles and possibly other things which I have not played with.

My recommendation?

I think it really depends on what you want to find on these sites.  If you are looking to chat, there are always people hanging out on AFF on the instant messenger.  Not everyone is there looking for sex and it is possible to have some good conversations.

I find on the actual dating sites, people disappear a lot faster.  Maybe it is because the guys are hopeful on AFF if they talk to you long enough, you will be willing to get naked with them.

Observation

I find it interesting that even though I live in a city with a population of 250,000 including surrounding areas, I have run into the same guys on multiple sites.  I think I am up to 5 now that I have seen on various sites.

3 on POF and AFF

1 on AFF and Eharmony

1 on OKCupid and AFF

Read my review of the dating websites:   Meeting People Online – Dating Sites and More

 

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Meeting People Online – Dating Sites

If you are looking online to meet people to date or possibly more, chances are you are going to head to the dating sites.  That said, there are a lot of different sites and options out there to find people on.  I’m going to give you my reviews and impressions of these

The Dating Game
The Dating Game (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

sites.  Please keep in mind your results may  vary.

Plenty of Fish (POF)

Cost:  Free, can pay to upgrade and get advanced features

I have met several people from this site and dated a few for a while.  I have mostly met guys who are actually looking for someone to hang out with and date or have a relationship with.  Just like any free site, there were a few that messaged for just intimate encounters.  POF actually removed this category from the site last year.  I’m not sure if it has cut down on that type of messaging though.  I did get a sexual message the other day and was able to report it as inappropriate.

You can still flirt, chat and email without having to pay which was the main purpose when this site was created.

OkHarmony

Cost:  Free, can pay to upgrade for more features

Getting started on OkHarmony takes a while.  There are a lot of questions that they want you to answer to get the best results.  I do encounter profiles where they didn’t bother to deal with the questionnaires though.

One of my favourite parts of this site is that it will give you an idea of how compatible you are with someone.  You get three scores – match, friend, enemy and  you determine what is ideal for you.  I think that they use all the questions you answer for this and where you are the same you are matches and where you are opposite, you are enemies.  Part of the appeal is that if you find someone you are interested in, youc an go through their questions and answers and see how you match up.

You can message and chat for free o this site as well.

EHarmony

Cost:  Monthly fee, has free weekends occasionally

You need at least an hour to set up a profile on this site as there are a lot of questions to answer.  They say that you are matched with people on scientific research.  I’m not sure how much I agree with that based on my matches.  I have communicated with a few people on here but have not gotten very far.

When you find someone who is a match, it is advised you go through their guided communication in which there are preset questions that you ask the other person.  They then reply and send back their own preset questions.  After three or four exchanges, you can then go to an internal email system.   That said, I have seen several people who sneak their email address into their profile so people can contact them directly.

Next week I will be posting a review on an adult website, AdultFriendFinder

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Reigniting the Spark

From time to time, those in a long-term relationship may fondly remember the near-overwhelming excitement of those first few intimate encounters.  The first time you and your partner kissed, the first time you saw one another undressed, and the first time you had sex, each event is often blanketed in the glow of new love.   As time goes by, and you become more comfortable with one another, the sparks lessen; however, there is something wonderful about the familiarity that comes with long relationships.  The exhilaration from burgeoning love can still pop up after many years together, though you may have to work at bringing the magic to the forefront.

  • The more popular technology becomes, the less we are speaking in person to one another.  Take the time to talk face to face – even if only for a few minutes.  Keep the conversation focused on each other, rather than on work or family.  And don’t forget to make eye contact.
  • Touch one another.  Hold hands while walking.  Rub your partner’s neck while he is driving.  Make skin contact beyond the sexual.
  • As our lives become busier, it is important to make time to spend with your partner with just the two of you.  Go on dates.  If you can’t have one every week, ensure you have one once a month.
  • Kiss.  While sweet, quick pecks are lovely, deeper kisses can lead to a deeper connection.  Sit on the couch and make out like a couple of teenagers.  If it leads to sex, that’s just an added bonus.
  • Do things together.   Have to hand wash some dishes?  One can wash while the other dries.  Need to walk the dog?  Go together, hand in hand.
  • Remember flirting?  Start doing it again!  Flirt with your partner.  Compliment her hair.  Tell him he looks sexy in those jeans (and give him a pinch or pat when you do).  Make sexual innuendos.