While this post seems like it should be before my post “Considering the D/s Lifestyle” I have learnt a lot since I wrote that post about what a person needs to think about and establish. I figure a post that is later is better than never.
I have learnt this things from personal experience, from a Facebook group I joined and from reading on the Net and what I want and expect for myself. This post is written from the standpoint of a submissive, so if you are a Dom, not all of this will apply but it definitely does not hurt to educate yourself.
Determine your Hard Limits
You need to take more than two minutes to think about them. I like to keep a list (but I like lists) that I can add to – not because I am continually coming up with more limits but because it can be hard to remember everything you are not interested in when chatting with someone. Some of my limits were established due to conversations I had with someone, even though I felt that it was a given. Nothing is a given in this lifestyle, so make sure you include those items regardless.
- Are there any objects that are off limits?
- Are you willing to do things while you are at work?
- Are you okay with your skin being marked?
- How do you feel with playing with more than just your Dom? Is there a limit to how many people you will play with at once? Will you play with someone of the same gender?
- Are you into golden showers or other bathroom play?
- How do you feel about animals?
- Are you willing to have anal sex?
- Are you okay with pain?
What Does your Dom expect of you?
Before you decide to serve a Dom, find out what they expect of you. You want to discuss what they will expect of you as well and they should be asking you as to what you expect of them. Make sure that whatever they want is something hat you can accept and is within the realm of what you can handle. I talked to one gentleman who was new to being a Dom but he kept referring to wanting to use his sub and cause them pain. I quickly told him that I did not feel we were compatible.
Some things that may come up:
- Expecting you to follow orders even when your Dom is not there such as no orgasming without permission
- When you get together, you are to wait in a certain position (at home, not in public)
- You must call him Master/Sir and he will call you other terms
Has your Dom had subs before?
Ask the person you are considering to be your Dom if they have had a sub before. If they are new to the lifestyle and so are you, it may be a good idea to move on to someone with a bit more experience. Being a Dom is more than just giving someone orders to please you. There is an emotional side to this and as a sub, you don’t want to just feel like you are there to grant your Masters wishes, you want to also be appreciated and protected.
This may seem like a lot of work but it is worthwhile. It is important to go with your gut when you are considering this lifestyle or moving on to a new Dom. You need to be comfortable and know that they will have your safety in mind.
A good site to check out: A Submissive’s Initiative