Texting and Dating

When it comes to dating, the stigma that used to be attached to online dating is

SMS: Text Messaging Gets Redesigned
SMS: Text Messaging Gets Redesigned (Photo credit: pouwerkerk)

disappearing.  But online dating also leads to a variety of other methods of communication online.  Are these good or bad?  I will let you decide.

I find these days, I meet people online via email or the sites chat platform and if we connect, we move elsewhere.  There are several messengers out there or there is Skype.  Everyone has a preference and texting seems to be the more popular method of choice.

While there are definite advantages to texting with dating there are also disadvantages.

Availability

A benefit to texting is that it is instantaneous.  You can ask someone a question or make a comment and get a reply back immediately provided they have their phone.  But at the same time, we are used to this and we run into people who may not be as committed their phone and it can be frustrating waiting for a response.

Pavlov’s Dog

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I feel like I am in this experiment and I come running and drooling expecting a reward when my phone makes a noise.  Maybe it is a reward as I have something to look at and reply to.  But this can definitely take away from meeting and dating, especially if you are always looking at your phone while out.  I have gotten to the point where I put my phone in my purse and silent it.  That said, I might take a bit longer when I go to the washroom as I’m checking it (usually just checking in with friends to let them know I’m fine)

Spontaneous

If you are a person who is spontaneous, having a cell phone can add to it.  You can be in touch with someone and say, hey, whats up?  Wanna go for coffee?  and next thing you know, you’re having coffee.   I have done this several times.

Changes to Plans

A great benefit to phones is that if you are running late, or you need to make a change to plans, you can get in touch with the other person.  I have had times where I end up running late for whatever reason or I have to make a stop before I can meet up.  This is one of the good benefits of a phone.

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Review: AdultFriendFinder

Cost:  Limited abilities as free, membership gives you more access

Even though it is called friend finder, it is a sex site.  That said, there seems to be a lot more talk than anything based on my experience.  But I included it for a reason.  I have met more guys on this site than any of the other sites.

adultfriendfinder cutie
adultfriendfinder cutie (Photo credit: stevendamron)

One of the freebies for people is the ability to use the instant message, the group chat rooms and the community forums (I haven’t posted here).  As a result, I have chatted with any more people than on the other sites.  And while the majority of people are looking for sex, I rarely get to the stage where I meet up with them.  Many disappear when they see my picture (even though I tell them up front I am a BBW) and many times, if we do meet, there is no attraction to take things further.

If you are female and new to the site, be prepared to be overwhelmed.  There is a lack of females on the site and as a result, you are fresh meat, literally and figuratively.

In talking to a male acquaintance on the site, it is much easier to find a guy that is willing to hook up than a girl, which does not really surprise me.  But I have heard that the girls on the site can be quite aggressive as well.

No matter your gender or what you are looking for, you will be propositioned by couples and by men.  Even men that have it in their profile that they are 100% straight tend to get these messages.

Note:  I am currently a gold member as apparently my profile has had enough visitors, etc that I am a “favourite” visitor.  I have been on the site for a year.  It is a two week upgrade but it has been renewed three times as of writing.  Gold Members can see full profiles and possibly other things which I have not played with.

My recommendation?

I think it really depends on what you want to find on these sites.  If you are looking to chat, there are always people hanging out on AFF on the instant messenger.  Not everyone is there looking for sex and it is possible to have some good conversations.

I find on the actual dating sites, people disappear a lot faster.  Maybe it is because the guys are hopeful on AFF if they talk to you long enough, you will be willing to get naked with them.

Observation

I find it interesting that even though I live in a city with a population of 250,000 including surrounding areas, I have run into the same guys on multiple sites.  I think I am up to 5 now that I have seen on various sites.

3 on POF and AFF

1 on AFF and Eharmony

1 on OKCupid and AFF

Read my review of the dating websites:   Meeting People Online – Dating Sites and More

 

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Meeting People Online – Dating Sites

If you are looking online to meet people to date or possibly more, chances are you are going to head to the dating sites.  That said, there are a lot of different sites and options out there to find people on.  I’m going to give you my reviews and impressions of these

The Dating Game
The Dating Game (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

sites.  Please keep in mind your results may  vary.

Plenty of Fish (POF)

Cost:  Free, can pay to upgrade and get advanced features

I have met several people from this site and dated a few for a while.  I have mostly met guys who are actually looking for someone to hang out with and date or have a relationship with.  Just like any free site, there were a few that messaged for just intimate encounters.  POF actually removed this category from the site last year.  I’m not sure if it has cut down on that type of messaging though.  I did get a sexual message the other day and was able to report it as inappropriate.

You can still flirt, chat and email without having to pay which was the main purpose when this site was created.

OkHarmony

Cost:  Free, can pay to upgrade for more features

Getting started on OkHarmony takes a while.  There are a lot of questions that they want you to answer to get the best results.  I do encounter profiles where they didn’t bother to deal with the questionnaires though.

One of my favourite parts of this site is that it will give you an idea of how compatible you are with someone.  You get three scores – match, friend, enemy and  you determine what is ideal for you.  I think that they use all the questions you answer for this and where you are the same you are matches and where you are opposite, you are enemies.  Part of the appeal is that if you find someone you are interested in, youc an go through their questions and answers and see how you match up.

You can message and chat for free o this site as well.

EHarmony

Cost:  Monthly fee, has free weekends occasionally

You need at least an hour to set up a profile on this site as there are a lot of questions to answer.  They say that you are matched with people on scientific research.  I’m not sure how much I agree with that based on my matches.  I have communicated with a few people on here but have not gotten very far.

When you find someone who is a match, it is advised you go through their guided communication in which there are preset questions that you ask the other person.  They then reply and send back their own preset questions.  After three or four exchanges, you can then go to an internal email system.   That said, I have seen several people who sneak their email address into their profile so people can contact them directly.

Next week I will be posting a review on an adult website, AdultFriendFinder

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Why are Guys Shy?

I don’t know if it is just me or maybe the guys out there are shy.  Many times, I will chat with a guy, and if the conversation is going well, and I am the one who has to bring up the concept of meeting.

shy
shy (Photo credit: Chris Blakeley)

Sometimes we have spoken generally about meeting up, but then, when it truly comes right down to it, it is usually me asking them.  It’s usually a “hey, wanna get coffee?” type thing not a “hey, let’s go on a date!”  But isn’t that a bit of the tables being turned as men are supposedly taught that they should be the man and they should do the asking as a result?

Lucy and I are talking about this as I am writing this post.  My comment to her is, aren’t men taught that they have to be big and strong and that they should be the man and take the initiative?    And she says yes, they are, but that may not be their true nature and that is what you are seeing when you talk to these men.

Maybe it isn’t that they don’t want to be the manly-man but they are letting me take the lead to show whether I am interested or not.  On the dating sites, the men definitely outnumber the women and maybe they think that I am just talking for the sake of talking to them and do not have any further interest in them.  They don’t realize that if I am open to chatting outside of the site, that I am interested in them, so far.  Of course, that may change once I meet them in person but obviously they have told me something that intrigues me at that point.

And let’s not get started on who pays when you meet!

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