New stories – and a freebie!!

Did you like the taste of Maid to Order that I posted last week? I hope so! Since then I have been busy writing and dreaming up more tales of Lydia and Senator Niles. In fact, over the weekend I published Maid to Order 3!

After two rough sexual encounters with her boss, Lydia wants their sexual adventures continue on a regular basis. First she must convince the state senator that his maid needs the lessons only he can teach.

So what’s next? There are a few other stories I’ve been working on, including a companion story to the Maid to Order series, called Personal Assistant, which is now available via Smashwords! It should available through Amazon soon (Amazon takes a little longer to publish, whereas Smashwords is instantaneous).

What is Personal Assistant about? In this series we will meet Vivian, personal assistant to Senator Stephen Niles. Vivian has a special set of skills that she uses to keep the senator in line. She is the one who hired Lydia.

I’m already working on the next story in the Personal Assistant series.

In celebration of publishing two new stories this week, I have a treat for you! Use this coupon code on Smashwords to get the first Maid to Order story for FREE. Hurry! The code expires on Sunday, May 17, 2014.

The coupon code is PY62S (not case-sensitive). You must enter the code prior to completing your checkout.

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Before Starting with the D/s Lifestyle

While this post seems like it should be before my post “Considering the D/s Lifestyle” I have learnt a lot since I wrote that post about what a person needs to think about and establish.  I figure a post that is later is better than never.

sub leashed collared and in breast bondage
sub leashed collared and in breast bondage (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I have learnt this things from personal experience, from a Facebook group I joined and from reading on the Net and what I want and expect for myself.  This post is written from the standpoint of a submissive, so if you are a Dom, not all of this will apply but it definitely does not hurt to educate yourself.

Determine your Hard Limits

You need to  take more than two minutes to think about them.  I like to keep a list (but I like lists) that I can add to – not because I am continually coming up with more limits but because it can be hard to remember everything you are not interested in when chatting with someone.  Some of my limits were established due to conversations I had with someone, even though I felt that it was a given.  Nothing is a given in this lifestyle, so make sure you include those items regardless.

  • Are there any objects that are off limits?
  • Are you willing to do things while you are at work?
  • Are you okay with your skin being marked?
  • How do you feel with playing with more than just your Dom?  Is there a limit to how many people you will play with at once?  Will you play with someone of the same gender?
  • Are you into golden showers or other bathroom play?
  • How do you feel about animals?
  • Are you willing to have anal sex?
  • Are you okay with pain?

What Does your Dom expect of you?

Before you decide to serve a Dom, find out what they expect of you.  You want to discuss what they will expect of you as well and they should be asking you as to what you expect of them.  Make sure that whatever they want is something hat you can accept and is within the realm of what you can handle.  I talked to one gentleman who was new to being a Dom but he kept referring to wanting to use his sub and cause them pain.  I quickly told him that I did not feel we were compatible.

Some things that may come up:

  • Expecting you to follow orders even when your Dom is not there such as no orgasming without permission
  • When you get together, you are to wait in a certain position (at home, not in public)
  • You must call him Master/Sir and he will call you other terms

Has your Dom had subs before?

Ask the person you are considering to be your Dom if they have had a sub before.  If they are new to the lifestyle and so are you, it may be a good idea to move on to someone with a bit more experience.  Being a Dom is more than just giving someone orders to please you.  There is an emotional side to this and as a sub, you don’t want to just feel like you are there to grant your Masters wishes, you want to also be appreciated and protected.

This may seem like a lot of work but it is worthwhile.  It is important to go with your gut when you are considering this lifestyle or moving on to a new Dom.  You need to be comfortable and know that they will have your safety in mind.

A good site to check out:  A Submissive’s Initiative

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who’s in charge?

When Sylvie began her recent Dom/sub relationship, she mentioned it to me.  At one point she asked if I had told hubby about it.  I hadn’t yet, but later that night I brought it up during our nightly phone call.  Since then we have had several conversations about D/s relationships and play.

We enjoy D/s play, though not every time we have sex and not as a lifestyle.  It’s just not for either of us. As I said to him, I feel that I’m too dominant in my overall personality to be a sub to someone fulltime.  While I enjoy being the sub in the bedroom from time to time, I also enjoy being the Domme.  Because I’m equally comfortable in both roles, I consider myself to be a switch.

I know there are people who, like me, have very dominant personalities, but crave the submissive role.  I respect that and can understand how it would a great form of stress relief.  Some of the characters I have developed in my stories are that way.  I just know it isn’t me.  I would be too much of a brat for the situation to be enjoyable! 

Just as every person is different, every D/s relationship is different.  There are subsets of the lifestyle, ranging from those who, like hubby and me, enjoy occasional D/s play in the bedroom to those who live their D/s relationships 24/7.  Some are sexual, while others may not have any sexual activity involved.  Thanks to the internet, some D/s relationships are completely virtual, with those involved living great distances from one another.  If you can imagine it, there is likely someone who is living it.

S&M

This is the final installment of a series of posts on BDSM. The first post can be found here.

This week is about sadomasochism, often abbreviated as S&M, SM, or S/M.  Sadomasochism is sexual pleasure gained by inflicting pain, suffering, and/or humiliation (sadism) or derived from suffering, humiliation, and/or feeling pain (masochism).

As with other types of BDSM, practitioners of S&M are not all the same.  Unlike what you may have seen in movies or read in books, many do not don identity concealing masks and carry or wear chains. Just as the actions that are enjoyable to those engaged in S&M activities may vary from spanking to playing with hot wax or knives.

Image of S/M sexuality Français : Page 39. Les...
Image of S/M sexuality Français : Page 39. Les souples lanières se moulent sur les fesses de la femme. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

As you may have noticed in previous posts, the various aspects of BDSM are often interconnected.  This is true with S&M.  For instance, spanking as a form of discipline, done by a Dom to a sub, may be considered S&M play as well.  In many regards, S&M is more of a mental type of play than any other aspect of BDSM.  Sadists derive pleasure from the action – or even just the thoughts – of inflicting pain upon another just as masochists derive pleasure from fantasizing or having pain exacted upon them.

Please note that S&M is not the same as sexual violence.  Practitioners of S&M are consensual adults; however, if serious injuries are caused by S&M play, those inflicting the injury may be punishable by law.

Looking for credible sources for additional information?

As always, remember: Safe Play is Great Play!

 

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submission

This is an installment of a series of posts on BDSM. The first post can be found here.

This week is about submission.  The opposite of a Dom, a submissive, or sub, gives control over to another.  This control may or may not be sexual in nature.

As to be expected, there are a variety of Dom/sub relationships.  For example, a sub may take on a role of a pet, of a slave, of a student, or even of a child, with the Dom acting in the contrasting role.  While the sub is passive in the relationship, he or she does have some control.  Before the relationship or the scene begins, the parties involved should agree on experiences ahead of them.  For some, this might include a formal contract.

English: A woman wearing a BDSM collar and leash
English: A woman wearing a BDSM collar and leash (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

A sub does have rights, just as any person participating in sexual play has rights.  A great post, called A submissive’s Bill of Rights can be found here.  While these are not necessarily legal rights, they are nonetheless important.  And of course, those rights include saying NO! or using a safe word if the play becomes too intense.

Looking for credible sources for additional information?

Next week I will continue to delve into the various aspects of BDSM. As always, remember: Safe Play is Great Play!

 

 

 

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D is for Dominance

This is an installment of a series of posts on BDSM. The first post can be found here.

This week is about Dominance.  A set of behaviors or rituals which involve the acceptance of control over another, the Dominant controls the submissive in a variety of ways that may or may not be sexual in nature.  In essence, Dominance is a type of psychological play that may include physical actions.

What is a Dom or Domme?  Dom is most often used for male Dominants and Domme for female.  This is not always the case, however, as some may choose to use Dom for either gender.   For the purpose of this post, I will use Dom to mean any person who is a Dominant in the scene or relationship.

BDSM couple, top, bottom in handcuffs, on Euro...
BDSM couple, top, bottom in handcuffs, on Europride Cologne (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Some only want to be a Dom in the bedroom, whereas others take the relationship further and into other aspects of their lives in non-sexual ways, such as domestic servitude.  There may be a contract between the consenting parties, outlining what is expected in the Dom/sub relationship.  Though they may have the majority of the power Doms must work with their subs to ensure fulfilling relationship for all involved.

When many think of BDSM, they may have a mental image of a Dom, dressed in black latex and carrying a riding crop, ready to dominate someone in exchange for money.  While there are many professionals available for hire, the truth is many Doms look “normal”.   Anyone, regardless of personality or livelihood, may be inclined to participate in a Dom/sub relationship.  Their lives outside of the relationships may be the opposite of their roles within it.

For more information on being a Dominant, check out The Dominant Guide.

Looking for credible sources for additional information?

Next week I will continue to delve into the various aspects of BDSM. As always, remember: Safe Play is Great Play!

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Discipline

This is an installment of a series of posts on BDSM.  The first post can be found here.

Kupferstich ca. 1780 - gemeinfrei -
Kupferstich ca. 1780 – gemeinfrei – (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This week is about discipline.  As I mentioned previously, discipline is considered psychological restraining, often by the use of punishments or rules. Spanking and humiliation are examples. Discipline is frequently used in other aspects of BDSM, especially in Dominant/submissive (D/s) situations.

When utilizing physical discipline on a partner, it is important to do so in a safe manner.  For instance, spanking certain areas of the body – especially with an item such as a paddle – may cause severe injury, or even death, if done with too much force.

Always be prepared to use a safeword.  Regardless of the type of BDSM play you are engaging, this is important.

Alex in Spankland has a great post about spanking.  While written for newbies, it is a good read for all interested parties, regardless of your level of experience.

All that is needed for spanking play is a willing hand and a willing ass, but it can be more enjoyable for all when using an item such as those on the list below.

Humiliation in this regard may best be described as enjoyable embarrassment.  The activities involved are varied.  It might be as simple as dirty talk, calling your partner a “slut” or a “little bitch”; or it might be more elaborate, such as leading her around by a leash or making him talk in a falsetto voice and dressing him in women’s clothing.

Many may wonder why in the world someone would find sexual pleasure in being humiliated.  That’s a great question.  It is also one that is expertly answered by Franklin on his blog.

Looking for credible sources for additional information?

Next week I will continue to delve into the various aspects of BDSM.  As always, remember: Safe Play is Great Play!

 

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Bondage in the Bedroom

tied up...
tied up… (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This is an installment of a series of posts on BDSM.  The first post can be found here.

The focus this week is on bondage play.  Bondage is a physical restraining.  This may mean total bondage or just a part of one’s body, such as breasts or balls…or even toes.  As the materials and degrees of severity are varied, it is important to understand the possible risks of various bondage practices.  This post is meant as a deeper overview of the subject, not a total guide.  Before participating in extreme bondage play, please research the topic more thoroughly.

Perhaps you and your partner are both new to bondage play.  As you add this bit of spice to your love life, it is helpful to do a little reading before delving into the fun.  Set aside the erotica and porno movies, as what you see there may not be safe or even based in reality.  Instead, look for credible sources.

When engaging in bondage play, there are several rules to keep in mind:

  • Have a safe word – something beyond no.  This word can be used to take a break, vary the activities, or even stop the scene.  The word should be one that is easy to say, but not something often said during sexual play.
  • Never leaving a bound person alone. Additionally, restraints should be able to be quickly removed in case of an emergency.
  • Avoid using restraints that may impair breathing.  Additionally, avoid positions that may cause asphyxiation.
  • To avoid circulation issues, be sure the bound subject changes positions at least once an hour.
  • All participants should be completely sober; alcohol and drugs should be avoided.

You may already have items around the house that make for perfect bondage paraphilia, such as belts, ropes, and sleep masks (i.e. a blindfold).  If not, there are many fantastic items available for purchase in both regular stores and specialty shops. Want a kit?  How about a simple Vanilla Bondage Kit or the Fetish Fantasy Ultimate Fantasy Duffle? Looking for a sensual and soft bounding material?  Try the Black Rose Silky Surrender (I have several of these, and they are great!). Perhaps you want something that is slightly beyond the basics.  The Lover’s Super Strap Restraint Kit may be exactly what you are looking for.

Looking for credible sources for additional information?

Next week I will continue to delve into the various aspects of BDSM.  As always, remember: Safe Play is Great Play!

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The Basics of BDSM

This is the first in a series of posts.

For some, these four letters immediately makes them squirm in discomfort, yet many of these people may already incorporate BDSM  types of activities and not realize it. How can this be? Simply put, kink comes in all sorts of varieties, making it as varied as the people involved.

What is BDSM ? To answer this we need to examine what each letter stands for.

English: A man handcuffed to a bed and blindfolded
A man handcuffed to a bed and blindfolded (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Bondage and discipline play (B & D or B/D)

Bondage – A physical restraining, it can mean total bondage or just a part of one’s body, such as breasts or balls. The materials and degrees of severity are varied. It is important to understand the possible risks of various bondage practices.

Discipline – A psychological restraining, often by the use of punishments or rules. Spanking and humiliation are examples.

Dominance and submission (D & S or D/s)

Dominance – Most often this practice is considered a set of behaviors, or even rituals, involving the acceptance of control over another. The Dominant (Dom or Domme) controls the submissive in a variety of ways that may or may not be sexual in nature.

submission – The opposite of a Dominant, the submissive gives control to another.

As a side note, there are some, called a switch, who are comfortable in both Dom and sub roles.

Sadism and masochism/ sadomasochism (S&M or S/M)

Sadism – Simply put, this is sexual pleasure gained by inflicting pain, suffering, and/or humiliation. The term comes from Marquis de Sade, an 18th-century French writer.

Masochism – The counterpart to sadism, this is sexual pleasure derived from suffering, humiliation, and/or feeling pain.

Next week I will continue to delve into the various aspects of BDSM .  As always, remember: Safe Play is Great Play!

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