personal lubricant 101

There are many types of lubricant that can be used for sexual play. Many factors contribute to the need of using lubricants during sex. Some women, even though very aroused, may not produce enough natural wetness and therefore may need a little assistance from a bottle. If you are participating in any type of anal play lubricant is extremely important.

There are three main types of lubricant: water based, silicone based, and oil based. When searching for lubes, you might see some advertised as “anal lube”. These usually have a numbing agent added to lessen the pain often associated with anal intercourse.

Water based lubricants are safe to use with condoms. They are often less expensive and more easily found than other types of lubes. Unlike other lubricants, they have the added advantage of being easier to wash off the body – and less likely to stain the sheets! Water based lubes can be used with any type of toy material.

Personal lubricants
Personal lubricants (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Silicone based lubricants, unlike water based ones, are not absorbed into the skin. This means soap and water will be needed to wash off after playtime ends. They can be more expensive, but a less is needed. This type of lube is also safe to use with condoms, but avoid using with silicone toys. Want to have some playtime in the shower? Try this type of lube!

Oil based lubes, such as mineral oil, baby oil, and Vaseline, must be washed off with soap and water. You can only use oil based lubricants with polyurethane condoms. Also avoid using with toys and items made out of latex.

There are many styles of lubes available – including flavored, numbing, warming ones. Have fun experimenting with the varieties!

One note of caution: If you are trying to conceive, pay careful attention to the ingredients in the lubricant you are using. Some lubes may contain spermicides – which are very counterproductive to trying to get pregnant!

You Are Entitled To Your Opinion

I’ve been playing on adult sites (such as AdultFriendFinder) for well over a year now.  I have run into a wide variety of people, some good, some bad, and some just interesting.  They all have their own opinions which may or may not coincide with mine which is fine.  But this weekend, I met someone who had different ideas and made a lot of assumptions about m based on this.

Be My FWB (Photo credit: DanCentury)

First of all, I do not have a profile picture up, at least not a face picture or anything intimate.  I have a picture of my lakes soaking in a mineral pool.  You can put up whatever you want on these sites.  A lot of men have pictures of well, you can imagine.  And I’m sure there are a lot of women out there who have very similar pictures.  but I have also seen a lot of men who have pictures up that do not show anything that personal, maybe a chest and maybe even a photo showing their face.

We emailed a few times on the site and then decided to go to regular email.  He asked for a photo above the knee so I included the profile picture that I use.  I also responded to the email he sent me and made some comments, such as him stating that he was looking for a FWB but yet, his original email to me said that yes, he wanted a FWB but he wanted to start as friends.

He replied back that he expected a more intimate photo of me, that he didn’t want a friend, he just wanted a FWB and that if I couldn’t provide such a photo, then obviously I wasn’t going to be willing to have sex anytime soon.

I replied back that he sure made a lot of assumptions, which he is allowed and left it at that.  I didn’t get a reply nor did I expect one.

That’s okay though, if that is his opinion, that is fine, I likely would not have been impressed meeting him anyway.

Book: Angel (NSC Industries) by D H Sidebottom

Carter and Olivia meet each other at university and never leave each other’s side.  But when school ends, they have some tough decisions to make.  Olivia has accepted a job locally but Carter has not received an offer yet.  When he does, it is up in Edinburgh and he has to leave in a day.  Due to this, Olivia is not able to tell him her news.  He promises that they will stay in touch but she knows that they will not.   angel

Fast forward 20 years, Olivia is a single mom and working hard to make ends meet.  She accepts a new job at NSC Industries but her boss is a pervert.  But she needs the job and the money and tolerates it.  Thankfully, she has great coworkers who know what the boss is like and they are able to tolerate him as a group.

She comes in one day and finds Carter in with her boss.  He has just returned from America after six months and it turns out that he actually owns the company.  Olivia hadn’t had a chance to research the company before she got the job or she likely would have known this already and is thrown for a shock when she finds this out.

Carter invites her for lunch which she does not feel is a good idea but they go and they quickly lapse back into the way things were at school.

But will they be able to find happiness ever after or will everything be destroyed when Carter finds out all Olivia’s secrets?

My opinion:

It is nice to see a strong male character that is willing to put himself out there to get the woman he wants.  Carter is deep and you can see how much Olivia has affected him and how his life has been without her.

I’m not sure that Olivia would be quite as well adjusted as she is with everything that she has gone through.

Regardless, this book got my attention and I couldn’t put it down.  It was a good thing I was reading it o a Friday night as I ended up staying up until 3 am reading!

Buy this book:  Angel (NSC Industries)

Mood Music

There are some songs that, when heard, instantly affect the listener’s loins. Granted, the songs may vary from person to person; but some artists are known for their ability to make the listeners want to get it on, such as Barry White, with his deep, sensual voice.

Lovers In The Shadow

Perhaps the song’s subject matter is what does the trick. Maybe it is the beat. Then there are the ones that are double shots of desire to the genitals. One that does it for me, due to both the lyrics and the tempo, is Nine Inch Nails Closer. Another is the Dave Matthews

Band’s song Crash into Me.  And I would be rather remiss if I didn’t mention Marvin Gaye’s classic Let’s Get it On.

What does it for you?  Is there a song that every time you hear it you want to do the horizontal mambo with your lover? How about your partner – does she have a song that is always sure to turn her on?

Book: Jack Who? (Silver Strings G Series) by Lisa Gillis

Marissa has just broken up with her fiancé, after catching him in bed with another girl.  Olivia feels that the best way to get over a man is to get under a new one so they head out to a rock festival.    While Olivia is able to get a backstage pass for herself, she cannot get one for Marissa, but that is no problem as she is able to get the both in with a sexy look at one of the roadies.     jack who

Olivia quickly decides to stay with the roadie and hopefully meet some actual performers as promised.  But Marissa decides this scene is not for her.  As she heads to leave, she finds a lost puppy who obviously belongs to someone.  Finding a couple guys to ask about the puppy, they direct her to the bus that holds the dog’s owner inside.  Marissa quickly heads over there to return the puppy before she heads home.

After a quick misunderstanding about how Marissa has gotten there and her motives, Jack realizes that she is not there for any ulterior purpose.  The two seems to have a connection which causes them to make some decisions which will change their lives forever.  Can they both be happy with these decisions or will they be miserable after?

My opinion:

The book was a little confusing, I think the author may have gotten a bit ahead of herself in a few spots as I had to go back and re-read as I felt I had missed something.

I wonder about Marissa and how believable she is as even though her and Jack don’t have a relationship for a long time.  With his popularity and fame, she does not seem to have spent any time trying to find out anything about him through the Internet.

Note:  First book in a series;  there are no real sex scenes in this book.

Buy:  Jack Who?

Setting Your Limits

I always thought that limits were black and white, but I have learnt recently that they can be grey (aka soft limits).  That doesn’t mean that you have to change your limits, it just about thinking of them in a slightly different way.  I thought that certain types of play either happened or didn’t happen but didn’t consider that there are many different elements within each play type which is where conversation and discussion come into

Different speed limits apply for day and night...
Setting Limits (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


Hard limit:

A hard limit is something that must not be done. Violating a hard limit is often considered just cause for ending a scene or even a relationship.

Soft Limit:

A soft limit is something that a person hesitates about or places strict conditions on, but for which they will still give informed consent. An action could be prohibited except under specific circumstances or an area of discomfort that someone wishes to avoid. Soft limits can also be something that requires a cautious approach or while appealing, still generates an uncomfortable amount of fear.

(definitions courtesy of Wikipedia)

So if you are wondering what that means, here are a couple of examples to help you out.

  • Hard Limit:  Anal play
  • Soft Limit:  No penis in the anus but fingers and tongue can are allowable.

I had been told that my limits were too strict but then when it came down to actually talking about them and what I was and was not willing to accept, many of them became soft limits.  I was willing to engage in some elements of those items that were on the hard limits list but there were some elements that were still off limits.  In some ways, my list is likely longer now but those items on it are much more specific than they were.  It allows for easier satisfaction of both partners as well as being able to cross some fantasies off the list

– Sylvie

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Book: Guilty Pleasures by Niyah Moore

We are slowly introduced to the six main characters in this book:    Guilty Pleasures

Hassan Walker, husband to Roxi, who has been visiting the gentleman’s club called “Sugar Hill” for the past year.  He has a favorite, Cinnamon, who he comes to see every week and who he fantasies about but knows that it can go no further.

Roxi Walker, wife to Hassan, who is also Dawn’s assistant and who is having a secret affair.  But when Hassan finds out, her offers her an ultimatum:  him or her lover.

Dawn, Roxi’s boss, who is having an affair with a married business man.  It means nothing to her except for sex as she wants to be with someone else.

Cinnamon, Hassan’s favorite dancer, but one night, things go too far between her and Hassan.   What will this mean for their time at Sugar Hill and their relationship?

Victoria, Dawn’s assistance, who feels that she cannot compete with the other women she works with due to her weight.   She has always felt uncomfortable around them and when a man pays her some attention, she has a hard time believing in him.

Ivan, Hassan’s friend and basketball player, is playing the court and the ladies.  But when his eyes catch sight of Victoria, he is determined to have her.

My Opinion:

I will preface this review by saying I got to 56% of the book before I quit reading.

The reasons I quit reading are as follows:

Everyone seemed to be cheating and playing around with everyone else, regardless of marital or single status.  I was having trouble keeping track of who was doing who as they were moving around so much.

I felt like the story was not really developed.  The characters were jumping from bed to bed without a lot of story in between.

There was no type of indication of time and it would skip ahead days or weeks without a text break or any other indication that the time was changing.

The language was difficult to follow as there was a lot of slang from New Jersey/New York area that didn’t make any sense to me.

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Take it Outside

I’m not sure about your area, but where I live we seem to have experienced about two days of spring before heading straight into summer.  As the temperature heats up outside, the hubby and I have been spending more time in the sun.  Tis the season!

There are some activities I wouldn’t mind taking outside, but, alas, we cannot. The lack of a fence and the closeness of our neighbors’ homes mean clothes must stay on when in our yard.  There is an added layer of sensuality when having sex outdoors.  There can also be a lot of nuisances that can make the experience less than fun.  Who likes feeling a rock or a stick jabbing them in back?  Or mosquitoes snacking on them?  I sure don’t!  So, like they say in Scouts – Be Prepared!

Taking a blanket to lie on during outdoor sex – or just stargazing – is a good place to start.  Keep in mind, though, that the ground might hide some sharpish objects, and grab a thicker blanket – if not two or three.  Once you decide to get frisky, you don’t want to ruin the mood with a stick attempting to get some action of its own! 

Some light is good, but not enough to call attention to the show.  A flashlight or two will suffice as you and your lover get comfortable.  Then turn off the lights and have fun to the natural light of the moon and stars.

About those pesky pests…well, you can just imagine how delicious bug spray tastes when nibbling on your lover’s skin. Yuck! I suggest investing in another type of bug deterrent, such as  an Off! Clip-On Starter Kit. (I haven’t tried it, so don’t know how well it works).

Have you had the pleasure of sex under the stars?  What tips do you have for others who are considering it?

Practicing Safe Sex and Avoiding the ER

There is a good chance you have heard of the TV

Hospital corridor, in gray
Hospital corridor, in gray (Photo credit: Julie70)

show “Sex Sent me to the ER”.  I’m actually watching it as I write this and wow, it’s amazing what people do!  They start with good intentions but things go drastically wrong.    If you just take 30 seconds to think things through, you’ll have a lot more fun and you won’t end up in the ER.

Pop Rocks

There was one episode where the lady decided that she wanted her partner to use pop rocks on her genitals.  You know those candies that you put in your mouth and they pop and explode?  Yah, those.   But there are a few different issues here.   Your genitals and the skin is thin and sensitive.  Want to irritate it?  This is a great way to do that.  Not only that, but sugar and your genitals are not a good combination, you’re just setting yourself up for a yeast infection.

If you want to play with food in the bedroom, a few things to remember:

  • Avoid getting anything with sugar internal
  • If you are using sugar items around the genitals, clean them off fully before going to penetrative sex, and no a tongue usually is not good enough.
  • Use items that are specifically designed for this type of play.

Anal Toys

Another issue is that a husband and wife were playing with an anal toy and it got lost.  You may wonder how it got lost but it seems that it got pushed up a little too far and then his muscles took over and moved it up even further.   They could not get it out in the ER and he ended up having surgery to get it out.

Some safety ideas:

  • Use toys that are designed specifically for anal use.  They typically have a flared base to avoid the toy getting lost.
  • If you want to use a toy that is not for anal use, put a condom on it to keep it from getting lost.

There are soooo many more things that I could write but this is a great start.  And if you do end up in the ER, don’t be embarrassed to tell the Dr what happened, you will get faster and more accurate treatment.

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New stories – and a freebie!!

Did you like the taste of Maid to Order that I posted last week? I hope so! Since then I have been busy writing and dreaming up more tales of Lydia and Senator Niles. In fact, over the weekend I published Maid to Order 3!

After two rough sexual encounters with her boss, Lydia wants their sexual adventures continue on a regular basis. First she must convince the state senator that his maid needs the lessons only he can teach.

So what’s next? There are a few other stories I’ve been working on, including a companion story to the Maid to Order series, called Personal Assistant, which is now available via Smashwords! It should available through Amazon soon (Amazon takes a little longer to publish, whereas Smashwords is instantaneous).

What is Personal Assistant about? In this series we will meet Vivian, personal assistant to Senator Stephen Niles. Vivian has a special set of skills that she uses to keep the senator in line. She is the one who hired Lydia.

I’m already working on the next story in the Personal Assistant series.

In celebration of publishing two new stories this week, I have a treat for you! Use this coupon code on Smashwords to get the first Maid to Order story for FREE. Hurry! The code expires on Sunday, May 17, 2014.

The coupon code is PY62S (not case-sensitive). You must enter the code prior to completing your checkout.