Texting and Dating

When it comes to dating, the stigma that used to be attached to online dating is

SMS: Text Messaging Gets Redesigned
SMS: Text Messaging Gets Redesigned (Photo credit: pouwerkerk)

disappearing.  But online dating also leads to a variety of other methods of communication online.  Are these good or bad?  I will let you decide.

I find these days, I meet people online via email or the sites chat platform and if we connect, we move elsewhere.  There are several messengers out there or there is Skype.  Everyone has a preference and texting seems to be the more popular method of choice.

While there are definite advantages to texting with dating there are also disadvantages.

Availability

A benefit to texting is that it is instantaneous.  You can ask someone a question or make a comment and get a reply back immediately provided they have their phone.  But at the same time, we are used to this and we run into people who may not be as committed their phone and it can be frustrating waiting for a response.

Pavlov’s Dog

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I feel like I am in this experiment and I come running and drooling expecting a reward when my phone makes a noise.  Maybe it is a reward as I have something to look at and reply to.  But this can definitely take away from meeting and dating, especially if you are always looking at your phone while out.  I have gotten to the point where I put my phone in my purse and silent it.  That said, I might take a bit longer when I go to the washroom as I’m checking it (usually just checking in with friends to let them know I’m fine)

Spontaneous

If you are a person who is spontaneous, having a cell phone can add to it.  You can be in touch with someone and say, hey, whats up?  Wanna go for coffee?  and next thing you know, you’re having coffee.   I have done this several times.

Changes to Plans

A great benefit to phones is that if you are running late, or you need to make a change to plans, you can get in touch with the other person.  I have had times where I end up running late for whatever reason or I have to make a stop before I can meet up.  This is one of the good benefits of a phone.

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Review: AdultFriendFinder

Cost:  Limited abilities as free, membership gives you more access

Even though it is called friend finder, it is a sex site.  That said, there seems to be a lot more talk than anything based on my experience.  But I included it for a reason.  I have met more guys on this site than any of the other sites.

adultfriendfinder cutie
adultfriendfinder cutie (Photo credit: stevendamron)

One of the freebies for people is the ability to use the instant message, the group chat rooms and the community forums (I haven’t posted here).  As a result, I have chatted with any more people than on the other sites.  And while the majority of people are looking for sex, I rarely get to the stage where I meet up with them.  Many disappear when they see my picture (even though I tell them up front I am a BBW) and many times, if we do meet, there is no attraction to take things further.

If you are female and new to the site, be prepared to be overwhelmed.  There is a lack of females on the site and as a result, you are fresh meat, literally and figuratively.

In talking to a male acquaintance on the site, it is much easier to find a guy that is willing to hook up than a girl, which does not really surprise me.  But I have heard that the girls on the site can be quite aggressive as well.

No matter your gender or what you are looking for, you will be propositioned by couples and by men.  Even men that have it in their profile that they are 100% straight tend to get these messages.

Note:  I am currently a gold member as apparently my profile has had enough visitors, etc that I am a “favourite” visitor.  I have been on the site for a year.  It is a two week upgrade but it has been renewed three times as of writing.  Gold Members can see full profiles and possibly other things which I have not played with.

My recommendation?

I think it really depends on what you want to find on these sites.  If you are looking to chat, there are always people hanging out on AFF on the instant messenger.  Not everyone is there looking for sex and it is possible to have some good conversations.

I find on the actual dating sites, people disappear a lot faster.  Maybe it is because the guys are hopeful on AFF if they talk to you long enough, you will be willing to get naked with them.

Observation

I find it interesting that even though I live in a city with a population of 250,000 including surrounding areas, I have run into the same guys on multiple sites.  I think I am up to 5 now that I have seen on various sites.

3 on POF and AFF

1 on AFF and Eharmony

1 on OKCupid and AFF

Read my review of the dating websites:   Meeting People Online – Dating Sites and More

 

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Meeting People Online – Dating Sites

If you are looking online to meet people to date or possibly more, chances are you are going to head to the dating sites.  That said, there are a lot of different sites and options out there to find people on.  I’m going to give you my reviews and impressions of these

The Dating Game
The Dating Game (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

sites.  Please keep in mind your results may  vary.

Plenty of Fish (POF)

Cost:  Free, can pay to upgrade and get advanced features

I have met several people from this site and dated a few for a while.  I have mostly met guys who are actually looking for someone to hang out with and date or have a relationship with.  Just like any free site, there were a few that messaged for just intimate encounters.  POF actually removed this category from the site last year.  I’m not sure if it has cut down on that type of messaging though.  I did get a sexual message the other day and was able to report it as inappropriate.

You can still flirt, chat and email without having to pay which was the main purpose when this site was created.

OkHarmony

Cost:  Free, can pay to upgrade for more features

Getting started on OkHarmony takes a while.  There are a lot of questions that they want you to answer to get the best results.  I do encounter profiles where they didn’t bother to deal with the questionnaires though.

One of my favourite parts of this site is that it will give you an idea of how compatible you are with someone.  You get three scores – match, friend, enemy and  you determine what is ideal for you.  I think that they use all the questions you answer for this and where you are the same you are matches and where you are opposite, you are enemies.  Part of the appeal is that if you find someone you are interested in, youc an go through their questions and answers and see how you match up.

You can message and chat for free o this site as well.

EHarmony

Cost:  Monthly fee, has free weekends occasionally

You need at least an hour to set up a profile on this site as there are a lot of questions to answer.  They say that you are matched with people on scientific research.  I’m not sure how much I agree with that based on my matches.  I have communicated with a few people on here but have not gotten very far.

When you find someone who is a match, it is advised you go through their guided communication in which there are preset questions that you ask the other person.  They then reply and send back their own preset questions.  After three or four exchanges, you can then go to an internal email system.   That said, I have seen several people who sneak their email address into their profile so people can contact them directly.

Next week I will be posting a review on an adult website, AdultFriendFinder

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Butt.. What?!?

One trend I have noticed when chatting to guys is that there is a lot of interest in butt play.  Whether it is having their butt played with, them wanting to play with my butt or having anal sex, it is definitely a topic that comes up a lot.

Man and woman having anal sex. Ceramic, Moche ...
Man and woman having anal sex. Ceramic, Moche Culture. 300 C.E. Larco Museum Collection (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’ve tried to asking a few of them what the fascination is, especially in regards to playing with a female’s butt.  The best answer I can get it that it is something that is naughty, taboo.  Some have said that it is tighter than the vagina which makes sense to me.

I can get why men like their butt played with.  The prostate gland is found through there and it probably feels like a female’s g-spot when it is stimulated and allows a guy to have a better orgasm.   But yet, knowing this, there are guys that are totally on board and want to play with a girls’ butt as well as penetrate it but yet, they do not want anything to be done to theirs.   Exit only as the saying goes.   To me, its equal opportunity.  You want a play with mine, I’m going to play with yours.   By the way, the taint (area between penis and asshole) is very sensitive.

So if you are going to engage in anal play, here are a few tips that I have for you from experience and toy selling:

  • Go slow!  Especially if this is a new experience for either party.  Butt muscles are not designed to stretch the same way the vagina is so it is more of a challenge.
  • Use lube.  While I have encountered many people who believe that they shouldn’t need to use lube, use it!  Just like stretching, the butt does not create natural lube like a vagina.  It needs some help.  Silicone is best as it lasts longer.
  • Stop means stop.  If your partner says stop, then stop what you are doing!  You want this to be pleasurable so that they will be willing to do it again and if it hurts, they will not let you near them again.

Lubricant Search on Amazon

 

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Men and Birth Control

When it comes to sex, birth control can be a large issue.  Whether you are with a new partner or a monogamous partner and you are trying to avoid pregnancy, most couples have to deal

Women on Top: How Real Life Has Changed Women'...
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

with the birth control discussion at some point.  These days, there are a lot of issues but many of them are ones that the female has to deal with and make sure to take.  But this article is not about birth control for females, but birth control for men.

Everyone is familiar with condoms.   Based on my experiences, they are something that all guys dislike to use but some of them are much better about being willing to use them than others.  I have had guys that refuse to use them, as a result, no sex for them.  It is not just about birth control but about avoiding diseases, and lets face it, cum is messy!

Due to the dislike of condoms in the male population, and there are many females that dislike them as well, science is looking into other options.  But, are these actually viable options for men and will they use them?

Shots

One of the things I have heard about, and I think it may even be available on a limited basis, is a shot for guys.  It blocks the ability of the testicles to produce sperm.  But on the one article I saw, many men commented that there was no way that they would let anyone near their penis with a needle.  But then, there were other men that were ready to sign up.  This shot was good for multiple years and I believe there was another shot to reverse the original one.

Pills

Just like women, there is some discussion of creating a birth control pill for me.  But just like women, they would then have to remember to take it on whatever schedule required.

One of the biggest concerns for me on any of these options for me is how can you guarantee that the guy is actually using whatever method he says?  Ultimately, if pregnancy occurs, it is the woman who has to deal with having a pregnancy and any decisions that arise from it.  Then there is concern about disease.  In a monogamous relationship, it likely isn’t such an issue but in a new relationship or casual one, it’s a different story.

 

 

 

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Why are Guys Shy?

I don’t know if it is just me or maybe the guys out there are shy.  Many times, I will chat with a guy, and if the conversation is going well, and I am the one who has to bring up the concept of meeting.

shy
shy (Photo credit: Chris Blakeley)

Sometimes we have spoken generally about meeting up, but then, when it truly comes right down to it, it is usually me asking them.  It’s usually a “hey, wanna get coffee?” type thing not a “hey, let’s go on a date!”  But isn’t that a bit of the tables being turned as men are supposedly taught that they should be the man and they should do the asking as a result?

Lucy and I are talking about this as I am writing this post.  My comment to her is, aren’t men taught that they have to be big and strong and that they should be the man and take the initiative?    And she says yes, they are, but that may not be their true nature and that is what you are seeing when you talk to these men.

Maybe it isn’t that they don’t want to be the manly-man but they are letting me take the lead to show whether I am interested or not.  On the dating sites, the men definitely outnumber the women and maybe they think that I am just talking for the sake of talking to them and do not have any further interest in them.  They don’t realize that if I am open to chatting outside of the site, that I am interested in them, so far.  Of course, that may change once I meet them in person but obviously they have told me something that intrigues me at that point.

And let’s not get started on who pays when you meet!

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Rant: Women’s Body Sizes

It seems to me that whenever I read an erotica story where the female is not a size 6, she is referred to as big or needing to lose weight.  I just finished a story tonight where the main character was a size 14 and her co-workers had told her that she should go to the gym and that is why she didn’t have a man in her life.   But when she mentions it to the man, he says how he loves her curves and that she has a brain.  And of course, being a bigger size means that she has big boobs and a big ass which is not always the case either.

Marilyn Monroe
Cover of Marilyn Monroe

But in reality, is a size 14 that big?  In checking it on the Internet, Marilyn Monroe was likely a size 8 or 10 in today’s clothing sizes (see link at end of rant from Snopes).  But she was considered a huge sex symbol.  Is a 14 all that much bigger than what she was?  And of course, in her movies, she was dressed to accent her curves and show herself off.

For the most part, the woman’s size really should not be a factor in these books.   Shouldn’t the focus be more on her curves and how they drive their potential partner wild?  How about the tricks that she has up her sleeves and how she can turn her partner into someone who cannot even remember their name or how to breathe?  To me, that is more important than what a characters dress or jeans size.

Heck, I have even found a series of erotica books on Amazon that are a BBW series but the characters size is a 14 or 16.  To me, that isn’t BBW, that is the average North American Woman.

Marilyn Monroe Dress Size:  Story on Snopes

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Holidays as a Single Suck

I hate the holidays as a single girl.  You see everyone around you going to parties with their significant other, having fun, and just being happy.  But being single, you have to present you are happy.  Don’t get me wrong, for 90% of the year I am, but seeing everyone else so joyful and cheery can be depressing.

Frowny
Frowny (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In looking back, it seems that December has been a popular time for me to start relationships.  No wonder.  I even started dating my ex in December.  It’s an odd time of year.  I think many singles feel this way and they are looking for a way to kill the loneliness.

I recently was feeling this mood, I had just came home from my work Christmas party.  i started by stalking my ex on Facebook.  His profile had been locked the last time I tried (a few years ago) but either it is unlocked or he shows many things publicly now.

From there, I looked up the number of a guy that I have had an on again, off again thing with.  I don’t usually do on again, off again, two times is my limit, but I feel like I have never had closure with him (there is a lot of background).    We’ve been texting for the last two days but then it just ended, the texting it is.  He sent me two long texts, I replied, and then nothing.

I know I have heard the same from others.  The holidays are sucky when you have no one to hang out with during the holidays, no one to kiss to bring in the new year, and don’t’ have that plus one for events that you are invited to.   I wonder what kind of depressing statistics might exist for singles and the holidays.

 

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Ebooks and Erotica: A Match Made in Electronic Heaven

I have to say, I love my Kindle.  And one of the main reasons is that it makes it much nicer if I am reading a romance or an erotica novel.  I’m not ashamed to read these, but when you use public transit every day to get to and from work, and people sit with you, it’s not always comfortable reading a book with half naked people on the front of it.  And trust me, they will see the cover at some point.

A Kindle DX Graphite by AmazonWith my Kindle, or any other type of ereader, you can read in private.  Yes, if they were leaning over and reading over your shoulder they would know what you were reading, but chances are they are not going to get that quite close to you.  And really, if they do, well, they deserve to see what you are reading.

Another great perk of an ereader is that you can likely download a free on onto whatever electronic device you have.  A tablet, a computer, a smartphone, most of these have the capability to download books that you can read with you wherever you go.  And many libraries offer systems that will allow you to borrow books from them so you do not have to even step into the library to borrow your erotica.

My plan is to write some erotica.  I have ideas at this point but they have not formed into a point where they are a story.  A few are getting there but they need to be expanded on and drawn out.  500 words does not a story make.  that said, once they are ready, they will be published on the Kindle format and maybe a few other formats if I can figure them out.  And then you can freely read them on your reader without having to worry about what others think.

If you do not have a kindle, that is fine.  There are free apps that you can download on your electronic devices or onto your computer.

Download your Free Kindle App
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About Sylvie

I’m a single woman in my 30’s who was married many years ago and have been separated/divorced for over a decade.  I was in my 20’s then and my sexual experience certainly was not all that great.  As a single gal, I have been learning more about my sexuality as well as exploring it.   sylvie profile

I did sell sex toys for several years but due to issues with the company I was working for, I left that field.  I have missed the interaction and the fun that comes with talking sex and selling sex toys and have done some writing on the topic over the years but not much.  When Lucy approached me about starting this blog, I quickly agreed and am looking forward to seeing where this blog ends up going.

1.       How old were you when you first kissed?  I’m thinking I was about 13 or 14.  I was in junior high and I was “flirting” with the boy I had a crush on.  We were walking around town and he kissed me.  At this point, I don’t remember much of the details but I remember hoping he would do it again.

2.       What celebrity do you think is hot or conversely, would you want to hook up with?   David Boreanaz from “Bones” is pretty darn yummy.

3.       What is your idea of a truly romantic evening?  I think I’d have to go with a classic.  Cuddling on the couch while watching a movie and then seeing what happens afterwards.  That said, I highly doubt the movie would be watched, in fact, I’ve already had that happen.

4.       Have you ever used sex toys?   Absolutely.  Both solo and with partners which is great fun.

5.       What’s your favorite position?   Spooning.   He can access those important spots in this position and I can just lay and enjoy.  While I know this is similar to doggy, that position requires energy to stay in it and I’m lazy.