Two Strikes and You’re Out!

I know in baseball it takes 3 strikes before you are out, but well, we aren’t talking baseball.

Finally, after 10 innings and almost 3 hours of play, Texas booked a win over Penn State. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

For some reason, I seem to run into these guys who I meet up with once or maybe twice, and then they disappear.  A few months, or even a year later, I run into them again.  They express their interest, I am way too nice and agree to meet up again, and then the pattern continues.  After this happens the second time, I am done with them, no matter what their reason, er, excuse may be.  You would think after this happened the first time or two in general I would learn my lesson but I am way too nice of a person.

What I don’t get is the ease at which a person can keep in touch.  With the majority of people having access to a smartphone as well as email, there is no reason that a quick little message can’t be sent.  Heck, I have even discussed this with some of these people that ultimately disappear and they agree that there is no reason why a person cannot send a message.  Yet, a message does not appear.

I understand that for some, this is the route they take when they decide that there is no interest.   Instead of doing the polite thing and sending a message that they changed their mind/life is too busy/whatever the reason is, they just ignore you.  I get it, I may be guilty of doing it once or twice and I have been called out on it too.

But really, I am a big girl, if you aren’t interested, just tell me.  I’m not going to go all stalker on you and contact you every half hour to try and get you to change your mind.  I will move on, there are many other fish and maybe even men in the sea.

3 Things to Discuss Before Getting Naked

Whether you are looking to date someone or just have a play partner, there are some things that you really should discuss before you start ripping clothing off.  They  may be awkward to discuss but it important to get them out there.  If you do not like their answer, or it doesn’t jive with you, you may want to reconsider if they are the right person to get down and dirty with.

morning .05 (Photo credit: pipe.martínez)

Tested

When were they last tested for STDS?  Have they had partners since then?  Personally, I’ve never asked for proof of this from the doctor but I am sure some people have.  Even if you are using condoms, if you are engaging in any type of oral sex, this is relevant.  Unless you plan to use dental dams and other equipment to avoid direct contact.

Birth Control

Another important discussion.  If neither of you has any plans to have children with each other, or at this time, birth control is a must.  Never believe a guy who says he cannot have children (I know a lady whose guy told her this, guess what?  she got pregnant).  If he says he has a vasectomy, you may want to have a dr’s note before you agree to no condoms.  Regardless, you should use them for the first while due to disease. I am a firm advocate of the woman being on some form of birth control as well.  The form may be discussed as not all methods are as fool proof as others.

Pregnancy

What will happen if the female gets pregnant?  This may not be a first night discussion but if you are going to remove a type of birth control (ie condoms) and only rely on one or none, it is likely a good discussion to have.   Even if neither of you are looking to have children, accidents can happen and it doesn’t hurt to know the other person’s opinions before it happens.

Unsolicited Penis Pictures

I really do not get why guys feel the need to send penis pictures to people who do not ask for them.  i can understand if you are chatting with them on a site that is mostly about sex and they send it in the course of conversation but too often I will meet a guy in a somewhat normal matter and we will move to texting and all of a sudden, I get a picture of his junk.  No warning, no asking if I want to see, it’s just there!

The Pimpin’ Penis (Photo credit: cimorenegal)

Today for instance, I’m chatting with this guy, he decides to ask if I’m horny and all of a sudden, there is the picture.  We met on plenty of fish, not a sex site.   the conversation was all innocent and I get this picture and he said that he could not help it.  Last I knew, a smartphone is not able to send a picture via text all by itself, the owner has to tell it to send it.

Regardless, I gave him crap for it.  It’s not that I am necessarily against these types of pictures but I prefer to be asked if I want them or ask for them before i get sent them.  Maybe I am at a family event and there are little eyes around, maybe I am at the grocery store chatting with someone, or heaven forbid I am at work and my phone is somewhere that someone might see.

I have talked to a few of my guy friends and asked why guys do this.  Some of them don’t know , some said they have done it but only if they were asked, and others sheepishly admitted that they have sent without permission.

I think a lot has to do with guys and their self worth.   For some reason, they feel that if they do not have a big/thick/goodlooking penis, they are not any good and by sending a picture, they will hopefully get a positive response.   Does society penis shame  men the same way they shame women if they are larger than a size 6?

 

You Are Entitled To Your Opinion

I’ve been playing on adult sites (such as AdultFriendFinder) for well over a year now.  I have run into a wide variety of people, some good, some bad, and some just interesting.  They all have their own opinions which may or may not coincide with mine which is fine.  But this weekend, I met someone who had different ideas and made a lot of assumptions about m based on this.

Be My FWB (Photo credit: DanCentury)

First of all, I do not have a profile picture up, at least not a face picture or anything intimate.  I have a picture of my lakes soaking in a mineral pool.  You can put up whatever you want on these sites.  A lot of men have pictures of well, you can imagine.  And I’m sure there are a lot of women out there who have very similar pictures.  but I have also seen a lot of men who have pictures up that do not show anything that personal, maybe a chest and maybe even a photo showing their face.

We emailed a few times on the site and then decided to go to regular email.  He asked for a photo above the knee so I included the profile picture that I use.  I also responded to the email he sent me and made some comments, such as him stating that he was looking for a FWB but yet, his original email to me said that yes, he wanted a FWB but he wanted to start as friends.

He replied back that he expected a more intimate photo of me, that he didn’t want a friend, he just wanted a FWB and that if I couldn’t provide such a photo, then obviously I wasn’t going to be willing to have sex anytime soon.

I replied back that he sure made a lot of assumptions, which he is allowed and left it at that.  I didn’t get a reply nor did I expect one.

That’s okay though, if that is his opinion, that is fine, I likely would not have been impressed meeting him anyway.

Setting Your Limits

I always thought that limits were black and white, but I have learnt recently that they can be grey (aka soft limits).  That doesn’t mean that you have to change your limits, it just about thinking of them in a slightly different way.  I thought that certain types of play either happened or didn’t happen but didn’t consider that there are many different elements within each play type which is where conversation and discussion come into

Setting Limits (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

play.

Hard limit:

A hard limit is something that must not be done. Violating a hard limit is often considered just cause for ending a scene or even a relationship.

Soft Limit:

A soft limit is something that a person hesitates about or places strict conditions on, but for which they will still give informed consent. An action could be prohibited except under specific circumstances or an area of discomfort that someone wishes to avoid. Soft limits can also be something that requires a cautious approach or while appealing, still generates an uncomfortable amount of fear.

(definitions courtesy of Wikipedia)

So if you are wondering what that means, here are a couple of examples to help you out.

• Hard Limit:  Anal play
• Soft Limit:  No penis in the anus but fingers and tongue can are allowable.

I had been told that my limits were too strict but then when it came down to actually talking about them and what I was and was not willing to accept, many of them became soft limits.  I was willing to engage in some elements of those items that were on the hard limits list but there were some elements that were still off limits.  In some ways, my list is likely longer now but those items on it are much more specific than they were.  It allows for easier satisfaction of both partners as well as being able to cross some fantasies off the list

– Sylvie

Where are Sylvie’s stories?

When Lucy and I started this blog, I had great plans to write.  And don’t get me wrong, I still have plans to write.  But I can’t seem to sit down and actually write anything.  I have started a few stories but they have not gotten very far, I think the longest one is about 1500 words.  I know what the story wants to do, but it just isn’t calling out to me to get written.

Writing (Photo credit: jjpacres)

That said, I seem to get myself into all sorts of situations online involving guys.   Lucy thinks I need to write stories about these events and I don’t disagree, but with these, I have no clue where to start or how to even start.  I foresee them being a collection of short stories as many of the situations are done and over but as of the time of this blog post, there are a few still going on.

Just a few examples of my stories to tell:

– Exhibitionist who wants to visit me but get naked at the door.  And did I mention he wanted me to invite a bunch of friends over and he would be the waiter for the night and slowly get naked over the course of the evening?  He also wanted to be the entertainment at a party one time, apparently he even got as far as the house but lost his nerve to “perform” for us.

– Finding a guy who wanted to be a submissive to me.  He was good with it for one night but after that he wanted to be in charge.  He also felt that he could be an equal to me as a sub.

– Many guys who just wanted to play online.  They didn’t want to be submissive to me but they wanted me to tell them what to do to themselves.

– Multiple general conversations with guys and the things they say and wnat to do to a stranger that they have never met.

Before Starting with the D/s Lifestyle

While this post seems like it should be before my post “Considering the D/s Lifestyle” I have learnt a lot since I wrote that post about what a person needs to think about and establish.  I figure a post that is later is better than never.

sub leashed collared and in breast bondage (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I have learnt this things from personal experience, from a Facebook group I joined and from reading on the Net and what I want and expect for myself.  This post is written from the standpoint of a submissive, so if you are a Dom, not all of this will apply but it definitely does not hurt to educate yourself.

Determine your Hard Limits

You need to  take more than two minutes to think about them.  I like to keep a list (but I like lists) that I can add to – not because I am continually coming up with more limits but because it can be hard to remember everything you are not interested in when chatting with someone.  Some of my limits were established due to conversations I had with someone, even though I felt that it was a given.  Nothing is a given in this lifestyle, so make sure you include those items regardless.

• Are there any objects that are off limits?
• Are you willing to do things while you are at work?
• Are you okay with your skin being marked?
• How do you feel with playing with more than just your Dom?  Is there a limit to how many people you will play with at once?  Will you play with someone of the same gender?
• Are you into golden showers or other bathroom play?
• How do you feel about animals?
• Are you willing to have anal sex?
• Are you okay with pain?

What Does your Dom expect of you?

Before you decide to serve a Dom, find out what they expect of you.  You want to discuss what they will expect of you as well and they should be asking you as to what you expect of them.  Make sure that whatever they want is something hat you can accept and is within the realm of what you can handle.  I talked to one gentleman who was new to being a Dom but he kept referring to wanting to use his sub and cause them pain.  I quickly told him that I did not feel we were compatible.

Some things that may come up:

• Expecting you to follow orders even when your Dom is not there such as no orgasming without permission
• When you get together, you are to wait in a certain position (at home, not in public)
• You must call him Master/Sir and he will call you other terms

Has your Dom had subs before?

Ask the person you are considering to be your Dom if they have had a sub before.  If they are new to the lifestyle and so are you, it may be a good idea to move on to someone with a bit more experience.  Being a Dom is more than just giving someone orders to please you.  There is an emotional side to this and as a sub, you don’t want to just feel like you are there to grant your Masters wishes, you want to also be appreciated and protected.

This may seem like a lot of work but it is worthwhile.  It is important to go with your gut when you are considering this lifestyle or moving on to a new Dom.  You need to be comfortable and know that they will have your safety in mind.

A good site to check out:  A Submissive’s Initiative

Considering the D/s Lifestyle

English: Woman standing on submissive male. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I play on a variety of sites but I seem to have the most luck on Adult Friend Finder (AFF).  Maybe this is because the people there are looking to hook up so they are more willing to communicate and meet up.  i cannot remember the last time I actually met someone from any other site.  Regardless, that is for another post.

One of the things on AFF is that you can see who has viewed your profile and who has flirted with you.  And you can decide where to take things from there.  As I have Gold Status, I am able to message people.  I saw that a gentleman who is a Dominant had viewed my profile.  I was curious so I decided to flirt with him.  He has Gold Status as well so I knew that if he was interested, he would message me back.

Within about an hour, I heard back from him.  We went back and forth a few times with him asking me some questions and my providing some answers.  He asked me to text him from there to discuss the situation further.  He told me up front what he expects and then taught me to call him Master and Sir (which I knew about already) but then a few other aspects of speech such as You and Him are always capitalized if I am referring to Him.   As we continued to chat, he asked me about my hard limits which made me happy as it is shows he not just playing with this.

In the meantime, I had messaged a friend who has had some experience with this lifestyle to find out some information.  I told her a bit about our discussion as she had some concerns as to whether this was truly something he was into or if he was on a bit of a power trip due to 50 Shades of Grey.  There are many out there who say they are  Dominant but they just want to have power over a person and make them do what they want.  I showed my friend some of our conversation and she felt he would be okay but to still take all the precautions a person normally would take.

I do not have any experience as a submissive beyond what happens in a regular relationship.  There is always a power shift where sometimes the girl is in charge, sometimes the guy is.  This is something different for me.  Even referring to him as “Master” and “Sir” requires a different thought process.

I have played a bit with being a Dominant in the past but only online.  I have chatted with many guys over the years and have wanted to give up power in having someone else tell them what to do.  I have told many guys to jerk off, how to touch themselves, to use toys on themselves and a variety of other activities.

At this point, I am not sure where things are going.  On the surface, everything sounds great but when you start to actually think about it and the boundaries you may be expected to push, it becomes more real and thought provoking.  First, he required a picture of my boobs.  Not a big deal, but not something I tend to do, which made me think about what else he may want me to do that is outside my realm of comfort.

This article covers a lot of what I have learnt already but could never possibly write as succinct as the author has.

Domination and Submission: What You Can Expect as a New Submissive

Booty Calls: What You Need To Know

Chances are you have heard of a booty call, even if you have not have one.  The common thought is that it is two people, typically in the evening, get together for sex.   But are there

Women on Top: How Real Life Has Changed Women’s Sexual Fantasies (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

any rules or guidelines when it comes to a booty call?  How do you know how you should behave, beyond the obvious?

Just like anything, there really are no rules for a booty call beyond what the two of you have agreed upon.  But there are some things that you may want to keep in mind.

• A booty call is someone that you get together with for sex.  It doesn’t have to be sex though, it could be any form of sexual play that the two people agree on.
• For some, they  agree to a booty call situation as there is no romantic partner on the horizon.  Instead of being without a play partner, they agree to sexually benefit the other person.
• Talking about preferences is a good idea with your booty call person.  Even though this person is not someone that you will have a future with, you still want to keep them happy and provide them pleasure.
• Consider if you will spend the night or if you leave when you are done.  While I haven’t had many booty calls, they do not tend to end in a sleepover, at least, not in my experience.  It can be awkward in the morning as you do the walk of shame if you were at their place.
• Talk about birth control and diseases before you hook up.  You don’t want to deal with it in the heat of the moment.

Just like any other type of relationship (face it, a booty call is a relationship if it happens multiple times) it is important to be up front about what you expect.  Do you expect to want to get together once a week, once a month or some other potential frequency?  Are you going to be exclusive to each other sexually?  Will you break things off if you meet someone that you think you could have a future with?

Have you ever had a booty call?  Were there any rules or guidelines that you recommend for people or that you followed?

 

My Erotica Journey

When this blog was started, I had plans to write stories.  I still have plans to write a story or two.  But I have decided that stories really are not my strong suit.    I’m not creative enough to come up with ideas but when I do have ideas, getting them written down is very tough.  Its March right now and I have a story I started writing in August that I haven’t touched, just to give you an idea.

I think one of the biggest obstacles to writing fiction is dialogue.  I am not good at writing conversations as the few things I have written either have minimal talking the conversation feels very stiff.  Not to mention, there are a lot of rules when it comes to writing dialogue and the punctuation involved.

I still want to get back to the story I started and finish it but I am not sure what to do with it.  I know what the characters want to do but I’m not sure how all to get them to that place.  I realized a while back that my thoughts of turning out several fiction books will not happen, I will be lucky if I have a few short stories to share or make an anthology out of.

That said, I have a few stories that I can do something with as they are ones a friend wrote and gave me permission to publish.  I have edited them a bit as they required a bit of work but between the two of them, it is not enough words to do anything with.

Another item I have in the pipeline is a non-fiction book in this genre.   Again, nothing is happening with it.  I have the idea, I have some of the text but need to sit down and put it together, expand it a bit and get it published.  I need to do a bit of research but not a lot as I have the majority of the information that I need due to past endeavours.