Sex and Infertility

There has rarely been a time since I became sexually active that I did not want sex. It is safe to say that I have a very high sex drive. However, several years ago I found myself not wanting to do the deed, at no fault of the hubby. This was a side effect of infertility treatments.

It has been over ten years since the hubby and I decided it was time to expand our family. I had suspected for some time that this would not be an easy task. With unpredictable cycles, and having several symptoms of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), I just knew we likely had a difficult road ahead of us. This didn’t mean I gave up hope. We kept trying the old fashioned way, and had fun while doing it. Eventually the time came for us to see a specialist.

At first my sex drive didn’t suffer. Granted, the medications I was taking did a number on my mood, and caused the depression I already struggled with to deepen greatly. After months of trying to time sex just right and being poked and prodded by medical staff up to three times a week – including several procedures that were very intimate in nature – my sex drive plummeted. Not only did my desire for intimate relations with the hubby drop significantly, but also my urges to masturbate. Before infertility treatment, masturbation was often a daily occurrence – if not more frequently!  Even now, several years after we ended all of the medical treatments, my sex drive is still much less than what it was before.

Much of what affected my arousal levels was psychological. The multitude of doctor appointments, the focus on sex for procreation, and the failures of the assisted reproductive therapies all affected combined to make a mental block against sexual desire. Instead of having sex purely for enjoyment, we were having sex purely out of duty. While I enjoyed the deed, I wasn’t able to climax because I couldn’t separate sex from our desire for pregnancy. The whole ordeal didn’t affect our feelings for each other; just our feelings towards sex – especially my own.

How did I overcome this? Firstly, acknowledging that there was an issue and that it could be overcome. I talked with my husband. And I discussed it a bit with Sylvie (as she has a lot of useful knowledge about marital aids from her time as a pecker peddler). Sylvie recommended an arousal cream that helped increase my sexual pleasure. This helped to revive the enjoyment that had disappeared.

When you are going through fertility treatments, you hear the stories about how the medications can affect your hormones and, therefore, your moods. You hear about the invasiveness of procedures, the heartbreak of failed attempts and losses, and the joys of successes. What you don’t hear much about, though, is how fertility treatments can affect your relationship with your significant other. There are couples who don’t make it through fertility treatments. In our case, it made our relationship even stronger. Yet we still encountered a rough patch in our sex life – something that isn’t talked about on the message boards.

Hopefully this isn’t something you will ever have to encounter; however, if you do, please remember: You are not alone.

lucy 2

For your viewing pleasure

There is a misconception about pornography and women. It seems to be a commonly held belief that women in general do not like porn. Additionally, those few women who do are only fans of softcore or “romantic” porn. And we cannot forget that supposedly one cannot be a feminist and also enjoy pornography.

American porn star Jenna Jameson

Um…no.

Granted, this may all be true for some women; however, it isn’t necessarily true for ALL women. Thanks to these misconceptions, a woman may feel ashamed for enjoying smut. The idea that there is something wrong with a woman who finds pleasure in viewing pornography is just as ridiculous as the notions that a woman who finds sex enjoyable is a slut. Far from the truth, my friends. Far from the truth. Instead of making enjoying sex – both viewing and engaging in – shameful, we need to embrace our sexuality.

Many feel that pornography degrades women and that women are forced to participate in such activities, and admittedly in some cases this is the truth. In many more cases, though, women are very willing participants in all aspects. There are women, such as Jenna Jameson and Tera Patrick, who have become porno superstars, and have gone from being on film to being behind the scenes as directors. They have even started their own production companies.

So set aside your shame and enjoy some hardcore porn. You might even learn a few new techniques to share with your lover! Watch it alone, or with your partner. Discover new pleasures and use it as a way to get into the mood, or as a way to share your interests. Sit back, relax, and enjoy.

lucy 2

 

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Toy Review: 7 Function Classic Chic 4 Inch Vibe

Not too long ago I wrote about the demise of one of my favorite toys, the 100 Orgasms vibrator. I purchased the sleek 7 Function Classic Chic 4 Inch Vibe in Black as a replacement. There are a few noticeable differences.

 7 Function Classic Chic 4 Inch Vibe in Black from California Exotic Novelties - image from Pinkcherry.com
7 Function Classic Chic 4 Inch Vibe in Black from California Exotic Novelties – image from PinkCherry.com

Batteries – My new toy takes two AAA batteries. While this isn’t too mu

ch of an issue (we always have AAA batteries around for the TV/DVD remotes), I like that the other vibe used AA batteries as we have several rechargeable AA batteries.

Speed – One of my favorite attributes of the now-dead vibe was the adjustable speed. As the name suggests, the new toy has seven functions. These functions are a variety of vibrations and pulses. To change the function the user presses the power switch, located in the cap of the toy. This brings me to the next difference.

Power on/off – The 100 Orgasms vibrator powers on by twisting a knob on the cap. This also controls the speed. To change the variety of functions – or to just turn off the vibrator – one must press the button to cycle through. This means to turn off the toy, the user must press the button up to eight times.

Do I like my new toy? Simply put, yes! (Should that be, “Oh, god, YES!!”?) The variety of functions gives the toy a little more versatility; however, I do wish there was a way to increase the intensity of the vibrations. That is a personal choice, though, as I like my vibes strong. While this toy is great for clit play, it can also be very enjoyable when inserted. Unlike my old toy, this one seems to really hit the G-spot with pleasure-inducing pulses.

You can find this – and other fantastic toys – at PinkCherry.com.

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S&M

This is the final installment of a series of posts on BDSM. The first post can be found here.

This week is about sadomasochism, often abbreviated as S&M, SM, or S/M.  Sadomasochism is sexual pleasure gained by inflicting pain, suffering, and/or humiliation (sadism) or derived from suffering, humiliation, and/or feeling pain (masochism).

As with other types of BDSM, practitioners of S&M are not all the same.  Unlike what you may have seen in movies or read in books, many do not don identity concealing masks and carry or wear chains. Just as the actions that are enjoyable to those engaged in S&M activities may vary from spanking to playing with hot wax or knives.

Image of S/M sexuality Français : Page 39. Les...
Image of S/M sexuality Français : Page 39. Les souples lanières se moulent sur les fesses de la femme. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

As you may have noticed in previous posts, the various aspects of BDSM are often interconnected.  This is true with S&M.  For instance, spanking as a form of discipline, done by a Dom to a sub, may be considered S&M play as well.  In many regards, S&M is more of a mental type of play than any other aspect of BDSM.  Sadists derive pleasure from the action – or even just the thoughts – of inflicting pain upon another just as masochists derive pleasure from fantasizing or having pain exacted upon them.

Please note that S&M is not the same as sexual violence.  Practitioners of S&M are consensual adults; however, if serious injuries are caused by S&M play, those inflicting the injury may be punishable by law.

Looking for credible sources for additional information?

As always, remember: Safe Play is Great Play!

 

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submission

This is an installment of a series of posts on BDSM. The first post can be found here.

This week is about submission.  The opposite of a Dom, a submissive, or sub, gives control over to another.  This control may or may not be sexual in nature.

As to be expected, there are a variety of Dom/sub relationships.  For example, a sub may take on a role of a pet, of a slave, of a student, or even of a child, with the Dom acting in the contrasting role.  While the sub is passive in the relationship, he or she does have some control.  Before the relationship or the scene begins, the parties involved should agree on experiences ahead of them.  For some, this might include a formal contract.

English: A woman wearing a BDSM collar and leash
English: A woman wearing a BDSM collar and leash (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

A sub does have rights, just as any person participating in sexual play has rights.  A great post, called A submissive’s Bill of Rights can be found here.  While these are not necessarily legal rights, they are nonetheless important.  And of course, those rights include saying NO! or using a safe word if the play becomes too intense.

Looking for credible sources for additional information?

Next week I will continue to delve into the various aspects of BDSM. As always, remember: Safe Play is Great Play!

 

 

 

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D is for Dominance

This is an installment of a series of posts on BDSM. The first post can be found here.

This week is about Dominance.  A set of behaviors or rituals which involve the acceptance of control over another, the Dominant controls the submissive in a variety of ways that may or may not be sexual in nature.  In essence, Dominance is a type of psychological play that may include physical actions.

What is a Dom or Domme?  Dom is most often used for male Dominants and Domme for female.  This is not always the case, however, as some may choose to use Dom for either gender.   For the purpose of this post, I will use Dom to mean any person who is a Dominant in the scene or relationship.

BDSM couple, top, bottom in handcuffs, on Euro...
BDSM couple, top, bottom in handcuffs, on Europride Cologne (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Some only want to be a Dom in the bedroom, whereas others take the relationship further and into other aspects of their lives in non-sexual ways, such as domestic servitude.  There may be a contract between the consenting parties, outlining what is expected in the Dom/sub relationship.  Though they may have the majority of the power Doms must work with their subs to ensure fulfilling relationship for all involved.

When many think of BDSM, they may have a mental image of a Dom, dressed in black latex and carrying a riding crop, ready to dominate someone in exchange for money.  While there are many professionals available for hire, the truth is many Doms look “normal”.   Anyone, regardless of personality or livelihood, may be inclined to participate in a Dom/sub relationship.  Their lives outside of the relationships may be the opposite of their roles within it.

For more information on being a Dominant, check out The Dominant Guide.

Looking for credible sources for additional information?

Next week I will continue to delve into the various aspects of BDSM. As always, remember: Safe Play is Great Play!

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Discipline

This is an installment of a series of posts on BDSM.  The first post can be found here.

Kupferstich ca. 1780 - gemeinfrei -
Kupferstich ca. 1780 – gemeinfrei – (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This week is about discipline.  As I mentioned previously, discipline is considered psychological restraining, often by the use of punishments or rules. Spanking and humiliation are examples. Discipline is frequently used in other aspects of BDSM, especially in Dominant/submissive (D/s) situations.

When utilizing physical discipline on a partner, it is important to do so in a safe manner.  For instance, spanking certain areas of the body – especially with an item such as a paddle – may cause severe injury, or even death, if done with too much force.

Always be prepared to use a safeword.  Regardless of the type of BDSM play you are engaging, this is important.

Alex in Spankland has a great post about spanking.  While written for newbies, it is a good read for all interested parties, regardless of your level of experience.

All that is needed for spanking play is a willing hand and a willing ass, but it can be more enjoyable for all when using an item such as those on the list below.

Humiliation in this regard may best be described as enjoyable embarrassment.  The activities involved are varied.  It might be as simple as dirty talk, calling your partner a “slut” or a “little bitch”; or it might be more elaborate, such as leading her around by a leash or making him talk in a falsetto voice and dressing him in women’s clothing.

Many may wonder why in the world someone would find sexual pleasure in being humiliated.  That’s a great question.  It is also one that is expertly answered by Franklin on his blog.

Looking for credible sources for additional information?

Next week I will continue to delve into the various aspects of BDSM.  As always, remember: Safe Play is Great Play!

 

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Bondage in the Bedroom

tied up...
tied up… (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This is an installment of a series of posts on BDSM.  The first post can be found here.

The focus this week is on bondage play.  Bondage is a physical restraining.  This may mean total bondage or just a part of one’s body, such as breasts or balls…or even toes.  As the materials and degrees of severity are varied, it is important to understand the possible risks of various bondage practices.  This post is meant as a deeper overview of the subject, not a total guide.  Before participating in extreme bondage play, please research the topic more thoroughly.

Perhaps you and your partner are both new to bondage play.  As you add this bit of spice to your love life, it is helpful to do a little reading before delving into the fun.  Set aside the erotica and porno movies, as what you see there may not be safe or even based in reality.  Instead, look for credible sources.

When engaging in bondage play, there are several rules to keep in mind:

  • Have a safe word – something beyond no.  This word can be used to take a break, vary the activities, or even stop the scene.  The word should be one that is easy to say, but not something often said during sexual play.
  • Never leaving a bound person alone. Additionally, restraints should be able to be quickly removed in case of an emergency.
  • Avoid using restraints that may impair breathing.  Additionally, avoid positions that may cause asphyxiation.
  • To avoid circulation issues, be sure the bound subject changes positions at least once an hour.
  • All participants should be completely sober; alcohol and drugs should be avoided.

You may already have items around the house that make for perfect bondage paraphilia, such as belts, ropes, and sleep masks (i.e. a blindfold).  If not, there are many fantastic items available for purchase in both regular stores and specialty shops. Want a kit?  How about a simple Vanilla Bondage Kit or the Fetish Fantasy Ultimate Fantasy Duffle? Looking for a sensual and soft bounding material?  Try the Black Rose Silky Surrender (I have several of these, and they are great!). Perhaps you want something that is slightly beyond the basics.  The Lover’s Super Strap Restraint Kit may be exactly what you are looking for.

Looking for credible sources for additional information?

Next week I will continue to delve into the various aspects of BDSM.  As always, remember: Safe Play is Great Play!

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The Basics of BDSM

This is the first in a series of posts.

For some, these four letters immediately makes them squirm in discomfort, yet many of these people may already incorporate BDSM  types of activities and not realize it. How can this be? Simply put, kink comes in all sorts of varieties, making it as varied as the people involved.

What is BDSM ? To answer this we need to examine what each letter stands for.

English: A man handcuffed to a bed and blindfolded
A man handcuffed to a bed and blindfolded (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Bondage and discipline play (B & D or B/D)

Bondage – A physical restraining, it can mean total bondage or just a part of one’s body, such as breasts or balls. The materials and degrees of severity are varied. It is important to understand the possible risks of various bondage practices.

Discipline – A psychological restraining, often by the use of punishments or rules. Spanking and humiliation are examples.

Dominance and submission (D & S or D/s)

Dominance – Most often this practice is considered a set of behaviors, or even rituals, involving the acceptance of control over another. The Dominant (Dom or Domme) controls the submissive in a variety of ways that may or may not be sexual in nature.

submission – The opposite of a Dominant, the submissive gives control to another.

As a side note, there are some, called a switch, who are comfortable in both Dom and sub roles.

Sadism and masochism/ sadomasochism (S&M or S/M)

Sadism – Simply put, this is sexual pleasure gained by inflicting pain, suffering, and/or humiliation. The term comes from Marquis de Sade, an 18th-century French writer.

Masochism – The counterpart to sadism, this is sexual pleasure derived from suffering, humiliation, and/or feeling pain.

Next week I will continue to delve into the various aspects of BDSM .  As always, remember: Safe Play is Great Play!

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Corsets

There is something about corsets that just turns me on.  My skin being tightly enclosed by the fabric.  My breasts being lifted and showcased.  My waist being cinched smaller by the satiny ribbon.  Wearing a sexy corset is a surefire way to make me feel sensual.

I have purchased several corsets over the years, but only three fit me properly.  Being a plus-sized woman means finding lingerie that is sexy is difficult.  Thanks to eBay, I can find brand-new-with-tags corsets that are as affordable as they are hot.

Corset
Corset (Photo credit: Björn Söderqvist)

There are many factors to consider when buying a corset, as there are many types of corsets available.  Enclosures, boning, material, and styles all vary.  Do you like the look of a laced corset? Maybe you want one with laces, but that also has a zipper.  Should the boning be plastic or metal?  Which suits your purpose better: overbust or underbust? So many decisions!  It can feel a little overwhelming to the first-time buyer.

Ebay has a guide available that gives a brief overview of the different shapes of corsets and explains which corset is best for various body types.

Underbust vs. Overbust

Just as it sounds.  An underbust corset goes under the bust, leaving the wearer’s breasts exposed. Overbust corsets cover the wearer’s breasts, pushing them against her body and producing cleavage.

Enclosures

Laces – The traditional style of corset, with laces to pull tighter.  Laces are most often in the back of the corset.

Hook & Eye –A metal hook and an eye (or “eyelet”) into which the hook fits.  Usually made of metal, this enclosure style is most frequently found in the front of the corset.

Zipper – This style of corset fastens with a zipper, which may be either on the sides or the front.

Combination – A combination of the above styles of enclosures.

Whatever style of corset that tickles your fancy, you can find it available online.  Want more information on corsets? Check out this site:  Delicious Boutique – Corset Construction.

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