Texting and Dating

When it comes to dating, the stigma that used to be attached to online dating is

SMS: Text Messaging Gets Redesigned (Photo credit: pouwerkerk)

disappearing.  But online dating also leads to a variety of other methods of communication online.  Are these good or bad?  I will let you decide.

I find these days, I meet people online via email or the sites chat platform and if we connect, we move elsewhere.  There are several messengers out there or there is Skype.  Everyone has a preference and texting seems to be the more popular method of choice.

While there are definite advantages to texting with dating there are also disadvantages.

Availability

A benefit to texting is that it is instantaneous.  You can ask someone a question or make a comment and get a reply back immediately provided they have their phone.  But at the same time, we are used to this and we run into people who may not be as committed their phone and it can be frustrating waiting for a response.

Pavlov’s Dog

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I feel like I am in this experiment and I come running and drooling expecting a reward when my phone makes a noise.  Maybe it is a reward as I have something to look at and reply to.  But this can definitely take away from meeting and dating, especially if you are always looking at your phone while out.  I have gotten to the point where I put my phone in my purse and silent it.  That said, I might take a bit longer when I go to the washroom as I’m checking it (usually just checking in with friends to let them know I’m fine)

Spontaneous

If you are a person who is spontaneous, having a cell phone can add to it.  You can be in touch with someone and say, hey, whats up?  Wanna go for coffee?  and next thing you know, you’re having coffee.   I have done this several times.

Changes to Plans

A great benefit to phones is that if you are running late, or you need to make a change to plans, you can get in touch with the other person.  I have had times where I end up running late for whatever reason or I have to make a stop before I can meet up.  This is one of the good benefits of a phone.

D is for Dominance

This is an installment of a series of posts on BDSM. The first post can be found here.

This week is about Dominance.  A set of behaviors or rituals which involve the acceptance of control over another, the Dominant controls the submissive in a variety of ways that may or may not be sexual in nature.  In essence, Dominance is a type of psychological play that may include physical actions.

What is a Dom or Domme?  Dom is most often used for male Dominants and Domme for female.  This is not always the case, however, as some may choose to use Dom for either gender.   For the purpose of this post, I will use Dom to mean any person who is a Dominant in the scene or relationship.

BDSM couple, top, bottom in handcuffs, on Europride Cologne (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Some only want to be a Dom in the bedroom, whereas others take the relationship further and into other aspects of their lives in non-sexual ways, such as domestic servitude.  There may be a contract between the consenting parties, outlining what is expected in the Dom/sub relationship.  Though they may have the majority of the power Doms must work with their subs to ensure fulfilling relationship for all involved.

When many think of BDSM, they may have a mental image of a Dom, dressed in black latex and carrying a riding crop, ready to dominate someone in exchange for money.  While there are many professionals available for hire, the truth is many Doms look “normal”.   Anyone, regardless of personality or livelihood, may be inclined to participate in a Dom/sub relationship.  Their lives outside of the relationships may be the opposite of their roles within it.

For more information on being a Dominant, check out The Dominant Guide.

Looking for credible sources for additional information?

• Whip Me, Beat Me, Make Me Write Hot Sex by Tymber Dalton (see my review here)
• A Submissive’s Initiative – an educational BDSM community
• The Loving Dom – The Repository – The back catalogue of educational notes relating to alternative relationships + interesting threads from The Loving Dom – The Help Page.

Next week I will continue to delve into the various aspects of BDSM. As always, remember: Safe Play is Great Play!

Book Review: Unlocked (Forbidden Fruit) by Evelyn Adams

Jack was unhappy in his marriage.  While he still loved his life, he missed the sex life that they used to have.  Many of the young women around his office were attracted to him and it was no secret that they would be willing to be with him but he couldn’t do that to his wife.    Then, one day when there was a snowstorm, Olivia approached him to drive her home as she didn’t trust her vehicle in the snow.  Jack knew that if he went along with this, he was doomed to be unfaithful to his wife.

As he was driving Olivia home, a vehicle came out of nowhere and slid in front of the SUV.  Thankfully, jack was able to stop but his life flashed before his eyes.  He couldn’t cheat on his wife; in fact, he realized that he had been neglecting her.  He knew that if he had gone home with Olivia he would have made sure she was satisfied, but he realized that he had not been doing the same with his wife, Christine.

Meanwhile, Christine is home and realizing that things are not going as well as they should be with Jack.  While she knows she has not been the wife that he deserves, she has not been able to figure out how to be wife, mom and lover.

Jack arrives home and gives his wife a huge hug and drags her into the laundry room where he proceeds to claim her body for himself.  But will it be enough for them to get the heat back into their relationship?

My opinion:

I enjoyed this book as I think it took a look at reality – a man who works and has temptation around him daily and a woman who is a stay at home and loses her confidence in herself.  But they show that it is possible to get that spark back and bring the relationship back to life.

Note:  There is nipple and clit jewellry involved in this story.

Buy:  Unlocked (Forbidden Fruit)

Discipline

This is an installment of a series of posts on BDSM.  The first post can be found here.

Kupferstich ca. 1780 – gemeinfrei – (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This week is about discipline.  As I mentioned previously, discipline is considered psychological restraining, often by the use of punishments or rules. Spanking and humiliation are examples. Discipline is frequently used in other aspects of BDSM, especially in Dominant/submissive (D/s) situations.

When utilizing physical discipline on a partner, it is important to do so in a safe manner.  For instance, spanking certain areas of the body – especially with an item such as a paddle – may cause severe injury, or even death, if done with too much force.

Always be prepared to use a safeword.  Regardless of the type of BDSM play you are engaging, this is important.

Alex in Spankland has a great post about spanking.  While written for newbies, it is a good read for all interested parties, regardless of your level of experience.

All that is needed for spanking play is a willing hand and a willing ass, but it can be more enjoyable for all when using an item such as those on the list below.

• Leather & Glass Riding Crop – This is a two-in-one kind of toy. The glass handle is perfect for insertion.
• X-PLAY Large Black Paddle – A sturdy paddle that will have you saying, “Thank you, sir. May I have another?”
• Studded Paddle – A paddle with a bite, one side has metal studs, while the other is smooth.
• Fetish Fantasy Bad Teacher Ruler – If you and your playmate like to engage in teacher/student scenes, this is the perfect prop for you!
• Fetish Fantasy Ltd Feather Crop – Have a little slap and tickle fun! One end is a crop and the other a feather, opening the play to all kinds of sensations.
• Leather Corset Flog-HER in Black – This is a heavy duty flogger, perfect for couples who are getting more serious about their discipline play.

Humiliation in this regard may best be described as enjoyable embarrassment.  The activities involved are varied.  It might be as simple as dirty talk, calling your partner a “slut” or a “little bitch”; or it might be more elaborate, such as leading her around by a leash or making him talk in a falsetto voice and dressing him in women’s clothing.

Many may wonder why in the world someone would find sexual pleasure in being humiliated.  That’s a great question.  It is also one that is expertly answered by Franklin on his blog.

Looking for credible sources for additional information?

• Whip Me, Beat Me, Make Me Write Hot Sex by Tymber Dalton (see my review here)
• A Submissive’s Initiative – an educational BDSM community
• The Loving Dom – The Repository – The back catalogue of educational notes relating to alternative relationships + interesting threads from The Loving Dom – The Help Page.

Next week I will continue to delve into the various aspects of BDSM.  As always, remember: Safe Play is Great Play!

 

Book: Revenge: A West Coast Novel, Book 1 by Jasmine Haynes

Clay is Jessica’s boss and he is looking to hire a new controller for the company.  It is well known that Clay and Ruby are in a relationship and live together but one night, Jessica catches Ruby with another guy on Clay’s desk after hours.  When Jessica confronts Ruby, she says that Clay knows and that he likes it when she is with another man and then comes home to him and tells him about it.  Jessica is shocked and leaves.

But Jessica cannot let it go and tells Clay about it a few days later. He does not believe her but Jessica had found Ruby’s thong on the floor and had put it in Clay’s desk which sealed the deal for Clay.  He goes home and is very mad at Ruby as she broke two of the three rules which he has for her.

Meanwhile, Jessica is thinking more about her interest in Clay and what she can do to get him to pay attention to her.  But she is also worried about how that may look with her in line for the job of controller.  So she continues to see her fuck buddy and use him to get out her fantasies.

Are Clay and Ruby done?  Will Jessica be able to tempt Clay or will their business relationship end up being more important than their sexual attraction?

My opinion:

I enjoyed this book and it dealt with a topic I did not know much about but have heard of.  It deals with a woman cuckolding her man with his permission and explains a bit of the attraction behind it.  Clay allows Ruby to play with other men all she wants (within the rules) but he doesn’t play with anyone else.

This is the first in a series, with the second book following Ruby’s story after this book ends.

 

Bondage in the Bedroom

tied up… (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This is an installment of a series of posts on BDSM.  The first post can be found here.

The focus this week is on bondage play.  Bondage is a physical restraining.  This may mean total bondage or just a part of one’s body, such as breasts or balls…or even toes.  As the materials and degrees of severity are varied, it is important to understand the possible risks of various bondage practices.  This post is meant as a deeper overview of the subject, not a total guide.  Before participating in extreme bondage play, please research the topic more thoroughly.

Perhaps you and your partner are both new to bondage play.  As you add this bit of spice to your love life, it is helpful to do a little reading before delving into the fun.  Set aside the erotica and porno movies, as what you see there may not be safe or even based in reality.  Instead, look for credible sources.

When engaging in bondage play, there are several rules to keep in mind:

• Have a safe word – something beyond no.  This word can be used to take a break, vary the activities, or even stop the scene.  The word should be one that is easy to say, but not something often said during sexual play.

• Never leaving a bound person alone. Additionally, restraints should be able to be quickly removed in case of an emergency.

• Avoid using restraints that may impair breathing.  Additionally, avoid positions that may cause asphyxiation.

• To avoid circulation issues, be sure the bound subject changes positions at least once an hour.

• All participants should be completely sober; alcohol and drugs should be avoided.

You may already have items around the house that make for perfect bondage paraphilia, such as belts, ropes, and sleep masks (i.e. a blindfold).  If not, there are many fantastic items available for purchase in both regular stores and specialty shops. Want a kit?  How about a simple Vanilla Bondage Kit or the Fetish Fantasy Ultimate Fantasy Duffle? Looking for a sensual and soft bounding material?  Try the Black Rose Silky Surrender (I have several of these, and they are great!). Perhaps you want something that is slightly beyond the basics.  The Lover’s Super Strap Restraint Kit may be exactly what you are looking for.

Looking for credible sources for additional information?

• Whip Me, Beat Me, Make Me Write Hot Sex by Tymber Dalton (see my review here)
• A Submissive’s Initiative – an educational BDSM community
• The Loving Dom – The Repository – The back catalogue of educational notes relating to alternative relationships + interesting threads from The Loving Dom – The Help Page.

Next week I will continue to delve into the various aspects of BDSM.  As always, remember: Safe Play is Great Play!

Review: AdultFriendFinder

Cost:  Limited abilities as free, membership gives you more access

Even though it is called friend finder, it is a sex site.  That said, there seems to be a lot more talk than anything based on my experience.  But I included it for a reason.  I have met more guys on this site than any of the other sites.

adultfriendfinder cutie (Photo credit: stevendamron)

One of the freebies for people is the ability to use the instant message, the group chat rooms and the community forums (I haven’t posted here).  As a result, I have chatted with any more people than on the other sites.  And while the majority of people are looking for sex, I rarely get to the stage where I meet up with them.  Many disappear when they see my picture (even though I tell them up front I am a BBW) and many times, if we do meet, there is no attraction to take things further.

If you are female and new to the site, be prepared to be overwhelmed.  There is a lack of females on the site and as a result, you are fresh meat, literally and figuratively.

In talking to a male acquaintance on the site, it is much easier to find a guy that is willing to hook up than a girl, which does not really surprise me.  But I have heard that the girls on the site can be quite aggressive as well.

No matter your gender or what you are looking for, you will be propositioned by couples and by men.  Even men that have it in their profile that they are 100% straight tend to get these messages.

Note:  I am currently a gold member as apparently my profile has had enough visitors, etc that I am a “favourite” visitor.  I have been on the site for a year.  It is a two week upgrade but it has been renewed three times as of writing.  Gold Members can see full profiles and possibly other things which I have not played with.

My recommendation?

I think it really depends on what you want to find on these sites.  If you are looking to chat, there are always people hanging out on AFF on the instant messenger.  Not everyone is there looking for sex and it is possible to have some good conversations.

I find on the actual dating sites, people disappear a lot faster.  Maybe it is because the guys are hopeful on AFF if they talk to you long enough, you will be willing to get naked with them.

Observation

I find it interesting that even though I live in a city with a population of 250,000 including surrounding areas, I have run into the same guys on multiple sites.  I think I am up to 5 now that I have seen on various sites.

3 on POF and AFF

1 on AFF and Eharmony

1 on OKCupid and AFF

Read my review of the dating websites:   Meeting People Online – Dating Sites and More

 

The Basics of BDSM

This is the first in a series of posts.

For some, these four letters immediately makes them squirm in discomfort, yet many of these people may already incorporate BDSM  types of activities and not realize it. How can this be? Simply put, kink comes in all sorts of varieties, making it as varied as the people involved.

What is BDSM ? To answer this we need to examine what each letter stands for.

A man handcuffed to a bed and blindfolded (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Bondage and discipline play (B & D or B/D)

Bondage – A physical restraining, it can mean total bondage or just a part of one’s body, such as breasts or balls. The materials and degrees of severity are varied. It is important to understand the possible risks of various bondage practices.

Discipline – A psychological restraining, often by the use of punishments or rules. Spanking and humiliation are examples.

Dominance and submission (D & S or D/s)

Dominance – Most often this practice is considered a set of behaviors, or even rituals, involving the acceptance of control over another. The Dominant (Dom or Domme) controls the submissive in a variety of ways that may or may not be sexual in nature.

submission – The opposite of a Dominant, the submissive gives control to another.

As a side note, there are some, called a switch, who are comfortable in both Dom and sub roles.

Sadism and masochism/ sadomasochism (S&M or S/M)

Sadism – Simply put, this is sexual pleasure gained by inflicting pain, suffering, and/or humiliation. The term comes from Marquis de Sade, an 18th-century French writer.

Masochism – The counterpart to sadism, this is sexual pleasure derived from suffering, humiliation, and/or feeling pain.

Next week I will continue to delve into the various aspects of BDSM .  As always, remember: Safe Play is Great Play!