Sharing stories

I’m part of a small erotica writing group on Facebook. It’s secret, so no one but the members can find the group, let alone read what we are posting. Sylvie is another group member.

Recently there was a discussion about having others reading our works. Granted, most of us are publishing what we write and hope that people are willing to pay for our material; however, those people are likely strangers. Our discussion was focusing on friends and family read the smut we like to write.

As I mentioned in my post last week, I ask my husband to read my stories before I publish them. When I first started writing, I wasn’t sure I wanted to let him read my work. I was a little embarrassed. Then I realized that I have nothing to be embarrassed about in regards to him reading what I’ve written. If I am going to share the erotica I’ve penned with anyone, it should be with him.

I can’t imagine sharing my stories with other family members. They don’t need to know what type of sexual acts take place in my imagination! Especially as they might not realize that the stories are just products of my imagination, not necessarily fantasies I hope to act out one day. The hubby, on the other hand, is the only person who understands just how that part of my nature is.

While not necessarily skilled as an editor, the hubby is able to let me know if the story has a good flow or if there are changes needed to the plot. He can make recommendations to help further the story along. Also, as I also mentioned before, there is a definite advantage to having the hubby read what I write. It is something that another writer in my group recently realized. Reading my smut-filled musings puts the hubby in the mood to inspire more sexy stories.

On that note…time to share my latest work-in-progress with the hubby.

Rant: Women’s Body Sizes

It seems to me that whenever I read an erotica story where the female is not a size 6, she is referred to as big or needing to lose weight.  I just finished a story tonight where the main character was a size 14 and her co-workers had told her that she should go to the gym and that is why she didn’t have a man in her life.   But when she mentions it to the man, he says how he loves her curves and that she has a brain.  And of course, being a bigger size means that she has big boobs and a big ass which is not always the case either.

Cover of Marilyn Monroe

But in reality, is a size 14 that big?  In checking it on the Internet, Marilyn Monroe was likely a size 8 or 10 in today’s clothing sizes (see link at end of rant from Snopes).  But she was considered a huge sex symbol.  Is a 14 all that much bigger than what she was?  And of course, in her movies, she was dressed to accent her curves and show herself off.

For the most part, the woman’s size really should not be a factor in these books.   Shouldn’t the focus be more on her curves and how they drive their potential partner wild?  How about the tricks that she has up her sleeves and how she can turn her partner into someone who cannot even remember their name or how to breathe?  To me, that is more important than what a characters dress or jeans size.

Heck, I have even found a series of erotica books on Amazon that are a BBW series but the characters size is a 14 or 16.  To me, that isn’t BBW, that is the average North American Woman.

Marilyn Monroe Dress Size:  Story on Snopes

writing erotica

Exxxpo Erotica 2009 – Rueda de prensa (Photo credit: Christian Javan)

Writing is personal.  This is especially true when writing fiction.  The writer takes a part of herself and adds it to her stories.  This isn’t to say a writer has experienced everything her characters do.   While this seems like common sense, many may not feel that way – especially when it comes to writers of erotica fiction.

Experience is a very helpful tool.  Imagination is even more so. Some of my story ideas come from my personal experiences; more of them come from my very active imagination.  The combination of the two can make a scene believable.  Even if a story is set in a fantasy world or features supernatural beings, there must be elements of reality.  Those elements help keep a reader engrossed in the tale.

Back to writing erotica.

While it may be true that some erotica writers have experienced all of the wicked acts they put to paper, for many it is pure fantasy.  Just because an author writes about forced-to-comply situations, doesn’t mean that she has been part of one.  Perhaps she writes about mfm ménage (male-female-male threesome relationship).  This doesn’t mean that she wants to experience it herself, just as the reader who enjoys that type of erotica may not want to participate in that sort of relationship.

Before I started writing erotica, I was reading erotica.  I am a reader and researcher by nature (I am a librarian).  While reading erotica and romance stories, I realized that I could write stories of my own.  I have the imagination.  I have the writing skills. So I put them to use.  I don’t claim to be the greatest writer ever known, but I don’t think I’m too shabby.  The more I write, the better I will become.

Writing erotica has a personal benefit too.  Just ask the hubby!  He gets to read my stories while I am working on them.  He also gets to enjoy the effects writing sex scenes have on me.  So, it is safe to say that writing erotica is good for our relationship!

Holidays as a Single Suck

I hate the holidays as a single girl.  You see everyone around you going to parties with their significant other, having fun, and just being happy.  But being single, you have to present you are happy.  Don’t get me wrong, for 90% of the year I am, but seeing everyone else so joyful and cheery can be depressing.

Frowny (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In looking back, it seems that December has been a popular time for me to start relationships.  No wonder.  I even started dating my ex in December.  It’s an odd time of year.  I think many singles feel this way and they are looking for a way to kill the loneliness.

I recently was feeling this mood, I had just came home from my work Christmas party.  i started by stalking my ex on Facebook.  His profile had been locked the last time I tried (a few years ago) but either it is unlocked or he shows many things publicly now.

From there, I looked up the number of a guy that I have had an on again, off again thing with.  I don’t usually do on again, off again, two times is my limit, but I feel like I have never had closure with him (there is a lot of background).    We’ve been texting for the last two days but then it just ended, the texting it is.  He sent me two long texts, I replied, and then nothing.

I know I have heard the same from others.  The holidays are sucky when you have no one to hang out with during the holidays, no one to kiss to bring in the new year, and don’t’ have that plus one for events that you are invited to.   I wonder what kind of depressing statistics might exist for singles and the holidays.

 

Book: Sex and the Social Network by Victoria Lexington

This story is about four married women who have met up with men through Facebook.  Two of them are re-connecting with a prior love, one meets a man through a friend and the other ends up hooking up with a work colleague.  All these women are not happy with their current lives – they are married, with children, but life is not what they expect it to be.  When these men express an interest in them, they think that maybe this is what they are missing and continue to pursue the relationship to see where it goes.  

All the women have a common connection, Liz, who is one of the characters in the book.  We follow Maria who is her best friend, Gabby who is a coworker and Julia who is another friend of Liz’s.  Liz knows of the women and the men that they are chatting with but does not feel that she can do more than to warn her friends to be careful.

My opinion:

Interesting concept for a book, as I can imagine this situation is something that has likely happened to many people.  It makes you think about the consequences of your actions as each woman has a different experience.  Is the grass always greener on the other side?  Or does it just look that way?  And are you willing to give up the grass on this side to check it out?

I think there are a few aspects that could have been explored a bit more in regards to how the woman coped.  We see some of Gabby’s history to explain her behavior but there is not a lot to help explain how she dealt with it.   While that is not needed for her character to progress and develop, it may be helpful for readers who have dealt with the same issues.

Purchase:  Sex and the Social Network

Playtime in the Shower

 

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Several years ago the hubby and I decided to add a second bathroom to our house.  This was a godsend when we remodeled out main bathroom a couple years later.  We had a tight budget, so had to keep the costs low; however, one thing we knew we wanted was a large shower.

Having a shower that is large enough for two people is great!  Granted, it has some practical use.  If you are pressed for time, it can be quicker (and save on water) for two to shower at the same time.  Even better, though, is taking a shower together as foreplay.

Washing one another is an intimate experience.  Paying extra attention to the erogenous zones will increase the intimacy to another level.  Showering together can be sensual.  It all depends on how you and your partner want to play.

• “Check” how clean your partner is with some oral action.  Just be sure to rinse well to keep from getting a mouthful of soap!
• Have a removable showerhead?  If not, I highly recommend investing in one!  Not only are they great for solo play, but they are wonderful when used by your lover.
• There are many fun toys that are waterproof, such as the Vela Massager Vibe and the Vibrating Mesh Sponge.  Bring one along to help get the fun started.
• Did your lover have a stressful day?  Help her relax with a massage under the steady stream of hot water.  Conditioner makes a great massage lotion!
• Does your shower have seats?  Or something that could be used as seats?  Be sure to take advantage of them!
• A cold shower is no fun!  Keep the water warm.  If the hot water starts to run low, it is time to take the fun to a dryer location.
• A little water in the face is expected when one is in a shower, but try to keep from
  drowning!  Getting a face full of water can kill the mood.
• Don’t have a large shower, but instead have a large tub? Draw a hot bath and take the fun to the water. 

 

Sex Toys You Can’t Believe Exist!

Sex toys are an interesting device.  They are designed to go into all sorts of places and rotate and twist and vibrate and goodness knows what else.  There are faces on any that are animals which adds an odd look to them.  But in browsing various sites for other posts, I have run into some extremely odd items.  These are just a few of them!

Wake Up Vibe

Ever wished that it was possible to wake up to having an orgasm but you do not have a partner to assist you with this?  Look no further, you can get the Wake Up Vibe Alarm!  This vibe is designed to be put in your panties and when the alarm goes off, it will start vibrating.  There are 6 different settings that you can set.  I wonder how you hit the snooze button on this or if you won’t want to sleep through it?

 

iRide

Have you heard of a Sybian and wanted one but could not afford the price tag that it came with?  Consider this iRide which is a cheaper version but is still designed for your pleasure.  There is a 4 inch dildo on the crescent which vibrates as well as an egg on the front for you to use to stimulate your clitoris.

Intensity

I’m not even sure where to start on this vibrator.  First, to me it looks like some sort of odd curling iron but it is a sex toy.  It looks to me like you should push on the clitoral stimulator to open up the other part (to curl your hair).  But I know that is not what it is or what it is designed for.

This toy is advertised as the first one designed to strengthen the kegal muscles while giving you pleasure.   in reading the profile of this toy, you insert the toy and then you are able to push a button which inflates the shaft to whatever size you prefer.  Turn on the vibration and then the stimulation controls and you will feel a soft electrical sensation which will cause your kegal muscles to clench.

I don’t know about you, but I think I will stick to my ben wa balls!

Luxe Embrace Vibrator

While I do not think that this vibrator is necessarily all that odd, the shape of it makes me reconsider.  At first glance, it looks kind of cute but then you look closer, and the face on it definitely adds to the creepy factor.  Not to mention, depending on what angle you are looking at it from, it looks like it has feet and might walk away.

Cupcake Vibrator

I have no words.  I really don’t.

 

Book: Whip Me, Beat Me, Make Me Write Hot Sex by Tymber Dalton

I recently read this quick non-fiction book about BDSM: Whip Me, Beat Me, Make Me Write Hot Sex by Tymber Dalton.

Perhaps you are interested in writing BDSM stories.  Perhaps you are interested in learning a little more about the BDSM lifestyle.   This short non-fiction book is a great one to read, regardless of your reasons for picking it up.  Author Tymber Dalton’s is familiar with the BDSM lifestyle, her knowledge stemming from first-hand experiences and observations, and from interviewing others who practice the many various forms of BDSM.  The conversational tone of the short book keeps the topic engaging and interesting, without sounding overly instructional or preachy, making the book accessible to a variety of audiences.

Near the end of the book, Dalton provides a chapter full of additional resources.  This is fantastic – especially for the BDSM newbie or curious.  Unfortunately, since I read this as a Kindle e-book, something I do on my iPhone, I wasn’t able to easily check out the websites she mentions.  The links are there, but since I would like to look at them on my laptop, not my smart phone, it required a little more effort on my part; i.e. accessing them through my Kindle Cloud, which I had not previously done with any e-book.  As I get around to exploring the various suggested resources, I will share my views on them.

Dalton’s tips for “What NOT to Write” (the title of Chapter Five) are excellent, regardless of the type of sex about which you are writing.  Her first tip is especially important for all writers, even if there is absolutely no sex in their stories.  Do your research.  I, for one, am enjoying doing research for my current writings!

After reading this book, I started a fiction piece that had a BDSM slant.  I couldn’t finish it. I couldn’t even get more than a third of the way through it, as I kept thinking of the stereotypes that Dalton cautions against.  Many of them were used within the first couple of chapters, making me unable to get into the story.

Five gifts for couples

The holiday season is upon us.  Why not heat up the cold winter nights with a sexy gift? Here is the last in a week long series of gift ideas to add the spark in your holiday lovelife. Don’t forget the get the appropriate batteries and lube!

Lover’s Super Strap Restraint Kit

Perfect for beginners, this kit includes four tethers with cuffs and a faux fur lined pleasure mask.  The tethers alone make this kit worth the price.  With Velcro fasteners on the cuffs, they are great for wrists or ankles.

Getaway Travel Size Romance Kit

Traveling for the holidays? Take your romance on the road with this little kit of love. This package contains travel size containers of Honey Dust – with mini-feather duster, Vanilla Oil of Love, Love Liquid water based lubricant, French Vanilla Creme Body Souffle, and a scented candle, stored in a discreet little black pouch.

Hero Remote Cock Ring in Black

A cock ring with something to pleasure both parties!  The ring itself, made of a soft, supple silicone material, will heighten the wearer’s pleasure.  The attached vibrator is sure to bring the recipient to new heights. An added bonus – it can be used solo or with a lover.

The Wedge

Available in red, black, and blue microfiber, the wedge is a great addition to the bedroom. Use it to try a variety of new positions, or to enhance some of your old favorites.

Massage Therapy Kit

Enhance the mood with this set of massage oils. With five 2-ounce bottles in a variety of scents, each infused with natural essential oils, this set can be used to light up your night or to help your lover relax after a long day of work.

Toys Recommendations by Sylvie

If your mind is set on a toy, here are some pretty cool ones that I wouldn’t mind having in my toy chest.  I may have spend some money once I am done writing this post!

A Great First Vibe

If you have never played with toys, some of the ones out there can be intimidating.  This is a great vibe to start out with as it is small but packs a lot of punch.   Even if you are a toy veteran, this can be a great addition to the toy chest as really, who doesn’t love a small toy that is easy to take with them?  If you tend to carry this one around in your purse, considering taking out the batteries so it doesn’t start humming while in the line for your morning coffee or in your bosses office.

These types of vibes are also great for all sorts of stimulation.  Use them all over the body or on his body too and see how he reacts.

Wild Orchid Rabbit Vibrator

This vibe is still considered a rabbit but it is a higher end vibe.  You may wonder what is wrong with a standard rabbit and the answer is nothing.  But, that said, this vibrator has a different type of clitorial stimulator.  Many women find that the bunny ears on the traditional vibe doesn’t do anything for them.  This has a little suction type cup that “sucks” on the clit for that much more stimulation.  Don’t worry, this doesn’t compare to your tongue but it’s a nice change of pace!

 

Ben Wa Balls

For many women, especially if they have had children, they feel that their kegal muscles are not as tight as they could be.  While they can do kegal exercises, it can be easier if they use ben wa balls.  There are essentially two different kinds, the traditional ones that are small little balls that you insert or those that have a string on them.  While they cannot get lost, if you feel more comfortable with the string ones, they work just as well.

Note:  If you are buying these for the female in your life, be careful how you present them. 

 

 

 

Sapphire Spiral Glass Dildo

Have you ever tried a glass sex toy?  Oohh.. deliciousness!  They are smooth and slide quite easily.  They also warm up to your body temperature so if you have a pet peeve about cold sex toys, you can easily warm it up before use.  If you like your toys on the cold side, put it in the fridge.  And another great benefit of glass?  You can run it through the dishwasher if you are so inclined!